rant, twitch, rant, twitch, rant...

Chapter's End

2011-01-07T08:24:00.000-08:00

Well, here it is, folks, my last day at this job. This chapter is ending, the next one is just a page-turn away. I'm excited and nervous. I'm about to re-join the ranks of the uninsured, the low-incomed. I've been here before, and I'm happy to be here again, because it means new experiences and new horizons.

No longer will I be trolling the internet, looking for something to eliminate my boredom, thank goodness. I'll be busy! Studying! Working! Gardening! Knitting! Living my broke-ass life to it's fullest.

I hope that yoga & good nutrition can keep Philip and me healthy, that my car & home remain sound, and that I get all A's.

Here's to the future!

Changing Tactics

2011-01-05T11:37:00.000-08:00

Well, I've put in over 30 applications at Seton hospitals thus far, and been declined for waaaay too many of them. It's time to change tactics.

I think I would be a more viable candidate for Seton if I had some experience with real! live! patients, or had my certification as a nurse's aid. (well, both, actually) There's a program that would give me the certification in 5 weekends, but it's $800, so scratch that. I think there's a more economical way. (plus, I don't have eight hundred bucks just lounging about, waiting to be spent)

All I have to do to get the certification is to pass a written & hands-on test. So, I'm going to look for a job at a nursing home, or some other facility where I can learn and practice the skills I'd need, and I've found some free online study guides for the written material. I'm still going to keep applying at Seton, but hopefully some experience with real, live humans can give me more desirable qualities as a candidate. I'm sure that being able to do basic things like take blood pressure and measure blood sugar will go a long way on my application.

Someone once told me that the moment you write your business plan, you begin rewriting, revamping and refining it. So, here I go!

Oh yeah, they love me

2010-12-27T17:33:00.000-08:00

Since Mogz got sick, and all research points to kibble (even high-end kibble) being the culprit, I've decided to feed the kids a meat-based diet. I scoured the internet, and I have to tell you that it wasn't that easy to find information about pet diets that don't involve grains. Even my beloved Dr. Pitcairn uses them... I just don't agree. I can't see ancestral dogs cooking grains for consumption. Maybe a little raw grain... but they don't even have thumbs, for Pete's sake!!
Anyway.
I've been sort of winging it for the last week or so. Some sources say feed them 1% of their body weight, some say 2% to 3%. I'm not sure what to go by. I got some advice - feed them 1% for a week. If they're begging for more food after a week of eating this way, increase the amount. Except... I don't trust my dogs... but what the hell, I'll give it a try. Honestly, my friend is feeding her GIANT dog 1% of his body weight, and if he's doing okay, it's probably fine.
So, I'm starting out with just chicken. I've gotten some thighs and legs, some turkey necks, some livers and some veggies. It's all hacked up into manageable bits, and portioned out into baggies.
May I just say that the doggies LOVE IT. They are SO excited when dinner time comes. Now, anyone who has been at my house around dinner time knows that my dogs get REALLY excited about dinner. Imagine my surprise at their ability to muster even MORE excitement! They're actually less troublesome about it, though. Like they're afraid that if they get too rambunctious, I'll take away the good stuff. Heh. That's right, kids! Don't misbehave!!

Unfortunately, Mogz isn't quite ready to enjoy all of this. She's still being force fed. :( I hope she decides to eat soon, because force feeding her is breaking my heart!

9 Days

2010-12-27T06:56:00.000-08:00

That's it. 9 more days of work here. I can't really believe it. I think it'll probably take a couple of weeks after that final day (Jan 7th) to sink in. Maybe once school starts?
I'm nervous. I've worked at this place for over 4 years, and become very comfortable with my income. Financial insecurity scares the shit out of me, especially now that I have a mortgage. I am trying to leap without fear. I know this is the right thing to do, and it's much better than being miserable in a job just because I'm scared to take a dip in income.
I'm a little sad to leave so many great people. I've met some of my closest friends here. (of course, I'll keep in contact with them!) I'll also miss the freedom of doing whatever the hell I want whenever the hell I want (for the most part) on my project.
Mostly, though... I'm just excited! A brand new adventure awaits, leading to a brand new career doing something totally different and awesome! I'm excited to be back in school, and excited to learn about the human body. I'm hoping to get a job at Seton, so I can learn more hands-on things about nursing. (like how to poke people with needles! Yay!) I'm thrilled to meet new people and try new things.
Nursing profession, watch out! Here I come!!

End of 2010 Survey

2010-12-22T13:57:00.000-08:00

Because Jive Turkey did it, and I'm such a follower:

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before? Taught belly dance.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't really make them, but this year I'd like to send birthday cards to the people I care about. (don't think I don't like you if you don't get one, it's probably just because I suck at keeping up with things)

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes! Snef gave birth to beautiful Autumn, and Anne had little Sofia!

4. Did anyone close to you die? No, thankfully.

5. What places did you visit? Only Louisianna this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010? Some oranization & consistency to my life fortheloveofpete.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Dates? No. I can't remember any of them.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Started my very own belly dance business.

9. What was your biggest failure? Belly dance business failed.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Plantar fasciitis.

11. What was the best thing you bought? a tiny hippo.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Philip's.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? No comment.

14. Where did most of your money go? Debt. Debt has been vanquished!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Vanquishing debt!

16. What song will always remind you of 2010? 'A Plea from Virtue the Cat' - The Weakerthans

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier.
b) thinner or fatter? Um... fatter?
c) richer or poorer? Richer, and about to get super poor.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Crafty things.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Watching TV.

20. How did you spend Christmas last year? With my family. :)

21. Did you fall in love in 2010? All over again.

22. What was your favorite TV program? Veronica Mars.

23. What did you do for your birthday in 2010? Philip and Christina threw me a picnic party at the park, and then Jessi and I had a Kentucky Derby.

24. What was the best book you read? A Short History of Nearly Everything - Bryson

25. What did you want and get? Out of debt.

26. What did you want and not get? Job at Seton.

27. What was your favorite film of this year? I didn't see many, as I was being uber frugal... I really enjoyed the Green Zone.

28. Did you make some new friends this year? Yes!

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? If I could have kept my house cleaner.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010? um. slovenly?

31. What kept you sane? Philip.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? uuuuhhhh... I don't really follow celebs much. Perhaps those that involved themselves in the Give a Damn Campaign?

33. What political issue stirred you the most? Repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell, and the Food Safety Act

34. Who did you miss? Bob

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010. Sometimes, you have to jump.

Mogquai

2010-12-22T06:53:00.000-08:00

After we got Inu (the infamous satan kitty that so many of my friends have heard about), Amanda and I noticed that we had a black and white theme emerging in our pet collection. So when we decided to get another cat (don't ask me why that seemed like a good idea), we scoured the Eugene-Springfield area for a black and white kitten. We called several ads in the paper offering free kittens until we found one that said there was a black and white up for grabs. We trekked over to the Springfield ghetto to pick up our furry little bundle of joy from some meth house.

She was so tiny, much smaller than her orange tabby siblings; she fit in the palm of my hand. (Yes, for those of you who know Mogz today, that fat kitteh was tiny at first) We played with strings; we stalked Buddy's fluffy tail; she rode around in the hood of my hoodie. Then, her hair started to fall out, and it fell out and fell out, leaving scabby skin beneath it. We didn't know what was wrong. We took her to the vet. Ringworm. They gave us a shampoo, and we dutifully washed her twice a day. She lost weight, and more hair. She looked like a gremlin, so we named her Mogquai because naming her after a gremlin seemed too mean. She got sicker. Finally, Amanda said that we were going to take her to the vet that had treated all of her family's animals forever and ever. So, we drove 45 minutes out of Eugene to take our tiny kitten to Brian Reister in Leeburg, Oregon. He took one look at that sickly creature and told us that we had to be prepared for this kitten to die. He gave us a kitty vitamin and told us to get athlete's foot cream and slather it all over her. We did. She hated it, but she got better - first furry, then fluffy, then fat. <3

8 years (or 7? I'm not sure) later, she's been fat and fluffy and sweet and wonderful this whole time.

Now she's sick again. She has Feline Hepatic Lipidosis (Fatty Liver Syndrome). From my internet research... FLS occurs when a cat goes through a period of anorexia for whatever various reasons (unrelated to the syndrome). The body starts using up fat stores, which the liver must then process. Cat's livers are not great at processing fat - they eat a pretty lean diet in the wild - so the accumulation of fat exceeds the processing of fat, and the liver begins to sustain damage. The good news is that we caught it pretty early. She isn't vomiting, she is still drinking water, and she's not jaundiced. She's just lethargic, skinny and not eating. (that's all?!??!) We have to force-feed her to keep her body from processing her fat stores until the liver can catch up and she starts eating again. The vet insists that I need to bring her in to be put on a glucose IV, but she's keeping down all the food I squirt down her throat, and is noticeably improved already... so are they trying to scam me out of dollars I don't have? Internet sources claim (and if it's on the internet, it MUST be true!) that, as long as she's keeping down the food I'm giving her, she will recover with time.

Here's to hope, my little love. I pulled you from death's door once through constant home care, and I feel confident that Philip and I can beat this too.

Which Skirt?

2010-11-18T08:05:00.000-08:00

Okay, I need a little help for Friday night. Which skirt looks best with this belt?

I'm leaning toward the first one. What do you think?

Our Precious Right to Vote

2010-10-28T11:58:00.000-07:00

THIS is the story...

of our Mothers and Grandmothers who lived only 90 years ago.

Remember, it was not until 1920 that women were granted the right to go to the polls and vote.

The women were innocent and defenseless, but they were jailed nonetheless for picketing the White House, carrying signs asking for the vote.
And by the end of the night, they were barely alive. Forty prison guards wielding clubs and their warden's blessing went on a rampage against the 33 women wrongly convicted of 'obstructing sidewalk traffic.'

(Lucy Burns)
They beat Lucy Burns, chained her hands to the cell bars above her head and left her hanging for the night, bleeding and gasping for air.

(Dora Lewis)
They hurled Dora Lewis into a dark cell, smashed her head against an iron bed and knocked her out cold. Her cell mate, Alice Cosu, thought Lewis was dead and suffered a heart attack. Additional affidavits describe the guards grabbing, dragging, beating, choking, slamming, pinching, twisting and kicking the women.

Thus unfolded the 'Night of Terror' on Nov. 15, 1917, when the warden at the Occoquan Workhouse in Virginia ordered his guards to teach a lesson to the suffragists imprisoned there because they dared to picket Woodrow Wilson's White House for the right to vote. For weeks, the women's only water came from an open pail. Their food--all of it colorless slop--was infested with worms.

(Alice Paul)
When one of the leaders, Alice Paul, embarked on a hunger strike, they tied her to a chair, forced a tube down her throat and poured liquid into her until she vomited. She was tortured like this for weeks until word was smuggled out to the press.

So, refresh MY memory. Some women won't vote this year because - Why, exactly? We have carpool duties? We have to get to work? Our vote doesn't matter? It's raining?

Mrs. Pauline Adams in the prison garb she wore while serving a 60 day sentence.

Last week, I went to a sparsely attended screening of HBO's new movie 'Iron Jawed Angels.' It is a graphic depiction of the battle these women waged so that I could pull the curtain at the polling booth and have my say. I am ashamed to say I needed the reminder.

Miss Edith Ainge, of Jamestown , New York

All these years later, voter registration is still my passion. But the actual act of voting had become less personal for me, more rote. Frankly, voting often felt more like an obligation than a privilege. Sometimes it was inconvenient.

(Berthe Arnold, CSU graduate)
My friend Wendy, who is my age and studied women's history, saw the HBO movie, too. When she stopped by my desk to talk
about it, she looked angry. She was--with herself. 'One thought kept coming back to me as I watched that movie,' she said. 'What would those women think of the way I use, or don't use, my right to vote? All of us take it for granted now, not just younger women, but those of us who did seek to learn.' The right to vote, she said, had become valuable to her 'all over again.'

HBO released the movie on video and DVD. I wish all history, social studies and government teachers would include the movie in their curriculum I want it shown on Bunco/Bingo night, too, and anywhere else women gather. I realize this isn't our usual idea of socializing, but we are not voting in the numbers that we should be, and I think a little shock therapy is in order.

Conferring over ratification of the 19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution at National Woman's Party headquarters, Jackson Place, Washington, D.C.

Left to right: Mrs. Lawrence Lewis, Mrs. Abby Scott Baker, Anita Pollitzer, Alice Paul, Florence Boeckel, Mabel Vernon (standing, right))

It is jarring to watch Woodrow Wilson and his cronies try to persuade a psychiatrist to declare Alice Paul insane so that she could be permanently institutionalized. And it is inspiring to watch the doctor refuse. Alice Paul was strong, he said, and brave. That didn't make her crazy.

The doctor admonished the men: 'Courage in women is often mistaken for insanity.'

Please, if you are so inclined, pass this on to all the women you know. We need to get out and vote and use this right that was fought so hard for by these very courageous women. Whether you vote democratic, republican or independent party - remember to vote.

Helena Hill Weed, Norwalk, Conn. Serving 3 day sentence in D.C. prison for carrying banner, 'Governments derive their just powers from the consent of the governed.'

THIS is the story...

of our Mothers and Grandmothers who lived only 90 years ago.

Please, if you are so inclined, pass this on to all the women you know. We need to get out and vote and use this right that was fought so hard for by these very courageous women. Whether you vote democratic, republican or independent party - remember to vote.

ouch... my puzzler...

2010-09-27T14:19:00.000-07:00

What to do? What to do?

I was all set to apply to the U.T. Master's of Landscape Architecture program... and then... and THEN... I noticed that the architecture school has a Master's of Architecture with a specialization in sustainable design.

WHAT???

So now I have to choose. (DO I have to choose? I'm sure I have to choose. I can't do both... right??)

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CHOOSE?!??!

Jennifer, would you like this 78% dark chocolate bar, or this bowl of vegan blueberry banana ice-cream?

I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!!!

Ow.

My brains.

As Dr. Seuss put it, I've puzzled and puzzled until my puzzler is sore...

Fair-Weather Gardener

2010-09-15T18:24:00.000-07:00

I spent hours in the garden today, getting bit by bugs, weeding, pruning, trying to determine what was grass & what was intentional. I have neglected my garden all summer (don't tell that to the eggplant - it obviously didn't notice) I freely admit that I am a fair-weather gardener. I don't want to garden when it's 1000 degrees outside. I just don't.

We need to do a major overhaul of the vegetable garden area. The grass is out of hand. I turn my back for 5 minutes, and it's taken up residence in the beds, drinking mimosas and putting it's feet on the coffee table. I hate it. Screw you, grass.

My plan is this... plant a fall garden in my current, questionable garden. Garden through the winter as-is, probably into spring. Next summer... it's ON. I'm going to lay 2" of cardboard down over the whole damn thing, reinforce the perimeter with Something Awesome that will keep the grass from growing underground & into my sanctuary (suggestions, anyone?). I'm going to enclose the whole thing in a 3' cobb wall, and buy dirt from The Natural Gardener. We'll lay down walkways and it will be AWESOME. Nothing grows in the summer anyway, so it'll be the perfect time.

Any seasoned gardeners want to offer advice or point out the folly of my ways??

Some Thoughts

2010-08-04T14:23:00.000-07:00

I was using coconut oil on my skin after showing for about a week. I stopped when I broke out in hives - just in case. This weekend, I realized that my skin was still soft and that I hadn't needed lotion for a week. Anyone who knows me well will realize that this is HUGE. In Boulder, my calves would crack and bleed in the winter, even WITH lotion. I'm parched, through and through. Yesterday, my skin was feeling a little dry, so I slathered myself again this morning. It's so weird to have soft skin all over. You people that have it don't know how lucky you are. (or maybe you do)

Proposition 8 was ruled unconstitutional!!!!!! HOORAY!! This makes me think of my parents. My parents are wonderful, loving, kind people. They are also Catholics, and steadfastly believe that being gay is wrong. I love my parents. I know that we won't always see eye to eye on issues. I try to be understanding and stand my ground with my beliefs without harassing them. Harassing them isn't going to change their minds anyway. Especially right now, in the fresh wake of this decision.... I wish so much that I could change their minds... I wish so much that they could look past the dogma and realize that (to use their own belief system) god would not have created a homosexuality, if s/he didn't mean it. How can a loving relationship between two people be evil? I don't understand their point of view any more than they understand mine. I just wish... yeah.

Anyway.... BACK TO HOORAY!

Tentatively Hive Free

2010-08-02T09:27:00.000-07:00

But I'm not going to jinx it by bragging.

A couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine asked for help. We're not very close. We've known each other since... 1988, I think, but after high school went our separate ways and probably never really thought we'd cross paths again. (especially since I'd decided I was NEVER EVER coming back to Austin - heh) In the past year we've struck up a mostly FaceBook friendship. When she asked for help, I offered to pitch in without hesitation. It came up in conversation that not everyone is so easily pursuaded to help out when friends are in need - not even close friends; not even family. She was really touched that I took time to help, and that made me really really happy. She's going through a rough time, and just a little bit of help can go a long way when you're struggling.

So, what that made me think about what this: I am overwhelmingly blessed in my life.

I have a wonderful family. If I told my mother that I needed her to drive 8 hours to come hold my hand, she would find a way to do it. She wouldn't even let me know if it was a hardship for her, and she would do it with every ounce of love in her being. The rest of my family is no exception.

I have amazing friends. They are kind, intelligent and interesting, and they know how to deliver compliments without sounding pandering and constructive criticism without hurting.

I have Philip. I don't know if I could really say in words what that means... he is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. I'm not gonna get all mushy on you.

I have a stable job that allows me to complain about how boring it is and pay my bills and make decisions about my finances and my future that will help me advance.

I'm healthy (if a little hivey), and relatively sane.

I live in a society that affords me access to clean water, mostly clean air and an abundance of fresh foods. (Also, can I say that I love having indoor plumbing?? I haven't lived without it since I was a kid, but sometimes I just think about how awesomely convenient it is.)

I live in a safe city/neighborhood.

I am educated.

I seriously could go on & on, enumerating the many reasons that my life is awesome. I believe that it is important to pay that good fortune forward. I try to be kind to other people, and to be compassionate. Everybody has pitfalls and shitty days and makes mistakes. Sometimes, they just need to be reminded that there are kind people in this world. I also try to pitch in when I can to help someone out. And I try to be very aware of my limits and boundaries, so that I can do this without feeling like I'm being taken advantage of.

Oh, I have my petty, shitty days, when I'm focused on the negative and I think people are assholes. And sometimes a small kindness reminds me that there are awesome people out there, and that a lot of them are in my life, and what a lucky girl I am.

So I pay it forward.

I'm Not Gonna Whine

2010-07-28T11:50:00.000-07:00

I'm still breaking out in hives regularly
I can't lower my dosage of steriods like I'm supposed to, because the hives return with a vengeance. (what did I ever do to them?)
I'm still waiting for the results of an allergy test.

In other news, it's a lovely, cloudy, rainy day in Austin. I love it when it rains. We even got some pretty awesome thunder and lightening this afternoon. I hope it's raining at my house...

I'm meeting up with a friend this evening to pick her brain about the Landscape Architecture program at UT. I am terrified of grad school. I'm a really lazy student - I've always been able to skate by on a minimum of effort to still maintain a respectable GPA. I have a feeling that habit would be detrimental in grad school... Plus, I don't want to embark on something this important if I can't be 100% committed. So, part of this brain-picking session is not just to find out her thoughts about this program, but to also see what my reaction is to her descriptions of coursework, competition, job prospects... etc...

Please enjoy these pictures of food made from my garden:

And drool for a moment over this homemade vegan ice cream & raw brownies:

Day Two of Misery

2010-07-22T10:08:00.000-07:00

I am covered in hives. Yes. Hives.
I woke up yesterday morning with itchy palms. I thought "Hey! I must be about to come into a shitload of money, because my palms are itching like CRAZY!!" Then I couldn't remember which palm meant money coming in & which palm meant money going out, and did it really matter because BOTH palms are itching, so they cancel each other out... So why the hell do they itch in the first place?!
I went for a run. It was actually nice & cool for a change. My iPod was nearly dead, so I didn't get to listen to music, just set the little timer app. On Monday, Logan and I ran into a wild weiner on the loose (translation - fat old daschund off-leash & ready to romp), so I was keeping an eye out. People don't seem to like it when your 85 lb dog makes a dive for their 10 lb dog... I know he just wants to play, but...
When I got back, and got into the shower, I noticed that I had hives across my lower back. Breaking out in hives isn't unusual for me. The location was abnormal, but I randomly break out in hives for no reason that anyone can pinpont on a fairly regular basis. Usually, they go away after awhile. Sometimes I take half a Benedryl, but it's no big deal.
So, I went into work, but my left hand was still itching terribly, and starting to swell. I took a Benedryl... 40 minutes later, no change - possibly worse. A co-worker demands that I call my doctor. My doctor demands that I come in.
SIGH
Ok
We talk for a few minutes about what might have caused it, but I can't identify anything that might be the culprit. She suggests that I check to see if my insurance will cover an $800 allergy test. (my guess is that they will cover part of it, but not enough to make it affordable)
She decided to give me a shot of epinephrine and prednisone, saying it might make me "a little jittery"
I could barely walk, I was shaking so bad. I spent two hours shaking uncontrollably on the couch, and then I passed out cold. Philip said I was still twitching and shaking in my sleep. I honestly think that was worse than the hives.
Today, my little hive friends are mostly congregated on the sides of my rib cage & upper back, with a few strays here & there & pretty much everywhere. It's pretty awful, and I'm not sure what to do about it.

In more positive news...

I made the most awesome trade evar! We had about 100 5 gallon pickle buckets in our yard. Philip uses them to bring home the compostables from Black Sheep Lodge. We desperately needed to get rid of them, so I put out the word that they were up for grabs. A friend responded that her father-in-law would like them for his bee keeping operation. He got the buckets, and we got THREE big jars of AMAZING local honey! Mmmmm.....

I got the new Ani Phyo raw recipe book, Ani's Raw Food Essentials. I decided to make dessert for dinner Tuesday night, so we had brownies and ice cream. The ice cream recipe is from the book, the brownie recipe is not.

Alright, I have to go concentrate my energies on not scratching. That is nearly impossible. :(

Vegan Cheesy Grits

2010-07-15T19:36:00.001-07:00

1 cup water

3 tablespoons nutritional yeast

1/4 teaspoon salt

3 tablespoons grits

Bring water to a boil.

Add salt & nutritional yeast.

Stir in grits.

Lower flame & stir constantly until they're as thick as you want them.

mmmmm.... grits....

Raw Chili

2010-07-14T17:26:00.000-07:00

What's for dinner tonight? Raw chili! So spicy... so good...

Yes, I had seconds.

Logan Tried to Eat a Mailbox

2010-07-14T06:18:00.000-07:00

Yoga felt soooo good yesterday. That is such a wonderful thing, after an entire week of everything feeling crappy. Even just lying down hurt. I'm back to normal, though, thanks to Gilda!!

I took Philip out for sushi at Uchi last night with Jessi & Adam. None of us had been there before. It was every bit as wonderful as everyone said it would be. We ate until we couldn't possibly eat another bite. Then we had dessert. I think I got five stars for making good birthday plans this year. He's not fond of being the center of attention at a party, so a private dinner with just a couple of friends was right up his alley. Plus, we both LOVE sushi.

It seems to have been the perfect idea to backtrack to week 1 of learning to run. My lower legs & feet were just a tad sore after Monday's run 2 / walk 3, but recovered nicely with a day of rest. Running for 2 minutes is extremely easy for me at this point, but I know that my feet (newly clad in VFFs) need time to catch up with the rest of me. Logan's doing a bit better, too. It might be due to the fact that there aren't as many kittens out this week. (omg) He did, however, have a run-in with a mailbox this morning. It was detached & sitting on the ground. (looks like they were building one of those limestone brick columns for it) Maybe it looked like a crouched critter to him. He went completely alert, and I started looking around for the source. Then he did the lunge-and-sniff that nearly ripped my arm out. I hope he felt dumb when he realized it was just a mailbox.

I got new toys! Okay, they're just little things, but I'm pleased with them. I got an upper arm holster for my iPod and a little spray thingy of pepper spray that straps to my hand. Yes, I'm paranoid. I know that I run with an 85 lb pit bull, but just in case that's not a deterrent... I'd like a second line of defense. Also, now that the iPod is closer to my ears, I can run without headphones - which makes me feel safer & more aware. (at 5 AM, there's no one to hear the happy Indian music that I like to run to)

Okay, okay, off to work. Tonight, I get to play in the garden, and make raw chili!!

Starting Over

2010-07-12T08:45:00.002-07:00

So, I'm backtracking to the very beginning of my running training. Back to run 2 minutes, walk 3, 6 repeats. I'm doing this for a couple of reasons. One, I hurt my back (maybe you read my whiny post?), and had to take an entire week off of running. Since I was only 2 weeks into running, that was a pretty significant break. Two, I got a pair of Vibram Five Fingers, and I need to slowly ease into running in them to avoid stress injuries.
Yes, almost every person I know is making fun of me, but that's okay. At 5 in the morning, it's only Logan that has to see them, and he doesn't seem to mind.

Last week was a weird week. The Gemini Playhouse, where I hold my south belly dance class and my monthly belly dance show, was damaged due to flooding from a neighboring suite. I had to cancel the show and my upcoming series. I feel strangely liberated by this. Anyone who knows me knows that I precariously stack things on my plate until it is overflowing (perhaps I should change to a bowl?) Putting on a monthly show is a lot of work. Teaching twice a week is taxing, when one class is severely under-attended and you're stressed about upping attendance to make it worth your while to teach it.
Anyway, it sounds like Gemini is on the mend, though I still don't know when the studio & theater will reopen.

Tomorrow is Philip's birthday!! I'm so excited! I got him awesome presents that I know he's going to love, and I'm taking him out for sushi. I love that guy.

Another Whiny Post

2010-07-06T12:05:00.001-07:00

I inadvertently took a day off of running. Monday was a day off from work ("recover from 4th of july day"), and I didn't realize it was even a running day until it was too hot to run. So, I decided to just let myself have a day off & not be concerned with it.

I pretty much did absolutely nothing all weekend. I had a migraine both Sunday & Monday, so that kept me from doing anything too exciting. I wore a dent in the couch with all my lying about, though I did do an exceptional amount of laundry (finally, some sunny days to utilize the clothesline!), and I scrubbed the kitchen floor on my hands and knees. It's so clean... I plan to eat dinner off of it tonight.

I think that might be how I hurt my back. It's either that, or the massive amount of nothing that I did (I'm usually so active, that actually could be the problem... LOL) I was hoping that yoga would straighten me out, but I'm still in just as much pain... though my disposition is decidedly better... I'm going to give it some TLC tonight & then seek professional help if it doesn't right itself.

In more awesome news, I'm going to make raw chili for dinner tonight!! So spicy!! mmmmm

Running in the Rain

2010-07-02T06:24:00.000-07:00

Run Austin posted on FaceBook yesterday: "Treadmills or run in the rain?" Out of the 38 people who commented, only one replied 'treadmill.'
I love running in the rain. It's nicer on a bark trail (though messier). I once ran 2 miles over my average daily run because the rain felt so nice & I couldn't stop.
It wasn't raining when I left the house this morning, but halfway through, it started coming down at a steady pace. Logan tried to stop under every tree, poor thing. I loved it. The drops were cooling, and I was already drenched from sweat. The only problem was my iPod. I ended up tucking it under my arm, under my shirt. Next time, I'll bring a little zip-lock baggie to slide it into.
I got to hang with my brother last night. He drove in from Carlsbad, NM for a short visit. I asked if he runs with his pit, Cedar, and he said no, he ends up having to drag her along most of the way... so it's not just me... I hope Logan learns to run alongside me. I really want him to be my running buddy.

Yesterday in yoga, I noticed some little yoga wins:

Being able to put my palms flat on the floor in my first forward-bend of the session :)
Getting a nice arch in Dancer's Pose - so nice that the instructor asked me to demonstrate - and being able to hold the pose with good balance :)
Being able to push myself up into a full bridge without help :)
Holding Warrior 3 with good balance and a more horizontal upper body :)
And a lot of other tiny spots where I could go just a bit deeper, hold just a bit longer, balance just a bit better :)

I love the moment when I notice improvement. It's the best reward ever. Like when I took a workshop with one of the Indigo girls at the very beginning of my belly dance training, and I sucked at everything... but the next time I trained with one of them, I was able to keep up, to retain more, to accomplish more, and it was the best feeling in the world.

A Snack of Epic Awesome

2010-07-01T08:49:00.001-07:00

That's cinnamon, y'all.

Fucking Kittens

2010-06-30T06:04:00.000-07:00

It was a nice, cool morning for a run. (for a change) Instead of running through a warm miso soup, I was running through a thin gazpacho. After that initial 5 minutes of 'omg I don't want to do this it's too early arrrgghhhh want to sleeeeeppppp' (which, it seems, is just going to be how things go at 5AM), I was trotting along happily, dragging Logan behind me.
Seriously, he is the worst runner ever. Maybe my pace is so slow that he just can't get in a groove. Also, he likes to chase cats. There are a lot of kittens lounging about at 5:30 in the morning. Usually, I'm pretty on top of it & can dissuade or distract my kitten-curious dog. Today, however, I missed one little black fuzzball that was lounging in the darkness beneath a tree. Logan made a lunge for the cat (which was like half a block away, btw), and I had to get all Firm And Serious on his ass.
Anyway. Even that couldn't tarnish my after-run high.

Today is my push-up reassessment. I'm going to try to move up from sissy push-ups & start the program over with real push-ups. My inspiration is my troupe-mate Misty, who can do push-ups that are outta this world!

I'm sore all over from my activities in the past week. My thighs are still ridiculously sore from the squats we've been doing in Kan Zaman rehearsal. Seems like I need to be practicing them in between rehearsals. My sides & ribs are sore from doing side planks in yoga yesterday, my arms are sore from push-ups. I'm an ouchy, achy mess today... and I love it!

Search Engines Should Become Government Spies, Says EU Parliament

2010-06-28T08:44:00.000-07:00

Search Engines Should Become Government Spies, Says EU Parliament.

Ixquick and Startpage will fight "Big Brother" data retention clause in Declaration 29 (Brussels / New York / Zeist June 28, 2010).
A draconian proposal to retain all Internet search traffic, known as "Written Declaration 29," was adopted by the European Parliament last week. Framed as a measure to crack down on paedophiles, the controversial Declaration calls on the EU to require that search engines store all search traffic for up to two years for possible analysis by authorities.

Search engine Ixquick (www.ixquick.com), widely regarded as the world's most private search engine, has built a strong privacy reputation by storing no search data on its users. The company believes it has been singled out by the data retention proposal, and it has vowed to strongly oppose the measure becoming law.

"Since Google, Yahoo, and Bing already retain users' search data, this proposal is clearly aimed at Ixquick and our English-language subsidiary Startpage (www.startpage.com)," said Robert Beens, CEO of Ixquick. "We have worked hard to create a privacy-friendly search engine that embodies the spirit of EU Privacy Protections, in line with the strict recommendations of the EU Article 29 Data Protection Working Party. This Declaration is evidence that the left hand of the EU does not know what the right hand is doing."

Mr. Beens fears that if the measure becomes law, it will vastly undermine the privacy of over 500 million law-abiding EU citizens. Storing everyone's search data, rather than restricting surveillance to known or suspected offenders, would give the government access to a rich trove of political, medical, professional, and personal data on virtually every person in Europe. And critics say it will do little to stop child pornography.

"Sex offenders exchange files through underground networks. They don't find this stuff through search engines," said Alex Hanff of Privacy International, an advocacy group that is launching a campaign against the measure. "I spent eight years helping law enforcement track down online sex offenders and never once did we see a case where search engine data was useful."

Ixquick will join the public campaign started by Privacy International to stop the provisions of Written Declaration 29 from becoming law.

"Privacy is a fundamental right and the basis of a free society. The phenomenal success of Ixquick and Startpage proves that people don't want to be watched by their governments," said Mr. Beens. "Spying on law-abiding citizens is not the way forward, and we will stand by our principles to protect the public's ability to search in privacy."

About Startpage and Ixquick:
Startpage is the English-language version of Ixquick, an international, award-winning search engine with an industry-leading privacy policy. Launched in 1998, Ixquick is owned by Surfboard Holding BV, a Dutch company. Ixquick has been awarded the EU Privacy Seal by the independent certification authority Europrise. Further information can be found at www.startpage.com and www.ixquick.com.

I'm a rockstar

2010-06-28T07:13:00.000-07:00

I had nightmares last night that one of my favorite co-workers quit. Heh. That should tell you how boring my job it. That, and my constant presence on FaceBook during business hours... It's not that I don't have things to do, it's just that they're so BORING... and putzing around on the internet doesn't actually affect my productivity, because I'm kind of a badass at my job. A badass at doing boring things... yeah, THAT'S what I want to be known for...

but anyway.

Despite tossing & turning all night, I still got up at 5 to run! (In retrospect, I think I forgot to turn the a/c down a bit - we like it cold when we sleep. Also, I sleep next to a human heater. And sometimes a canine heater...)
I'm pretty proud of myself, especially because my thighs were SCREAMING IN PAIN after doing squats last night. Thanks, Bahaia! :)
This week, I've moved up to doing 3 minutes of running & 3 minutes of walking. I'm only supposed to do 5 repetitions, as opposed to the 6 repetitions that I was doing with run 2 / walk 3 last week. I considered adding a 6th one, just because I was feeling so damn good, but then decided that I shouldn't push it on the first day. I keep trying to remember that injury = no dancing = crycrycrycrycrycrycrycrycry.
That being said, I might add a 6th repetition on Wed, depending on the State of My Thighs.

Post Script:
I would just like to say that I am not really complaining about my job. I work for & with some awesome people; I can wear, tattoo and pierce whatever I want; I have kickass benefits (including ridiculous tuition reimbursement benefits); and, I HAVE A FREAKIN' JOB.
Not complaining, people. I love having this job. It suits my needs perfectly right now.

Invincible Czars!

2010-06-25T07:00:00.000-07:00

I thought for sure that this morning's run was going to be miserable. My body felt heavy, stiff and uncoordinated when I dragged it out of bed. I got a little more enthusiastic when Logan saw me pull out my running shoes and started skipping around the dining room. So. Cute.

About 5 minutes in, I started to feel better. My muscles were getting warm and my brain was waking up. Logan started getting the rhythm better, though he did poop on someone's lawn (sorry about that!)

It's getting difficult to not run every morning, I feel so nice after. I know I need to take it slow, though. Injuring myself would suck on so many different levels.

200 crunches didn't make my abs sore one bit. I'm going to try them on a yoga ball this weekend.

In other news... Emily and I are dancing with the Invincible Czars tonight in Pflugerville! (I keep trying to call them the "invisible" czars...) That should be really fun, and will hopefully lead to further collaborations with them.
Philip works on Saturday. It's super lame. lamelamelame. But, maybe I'll be able to get a ridiculous amount of house cleaning done. That would be sweet.

I'd rather be sleeping.

2010-06-23T05:42:00.000-07:00

I almost couldn't get out of bed this morning. I definitely hit snooze at least once. I had to pull myself out of bed by sheer force of will, visions of a sick day dancing in my head.
Running was great, it made me feel better about a shitty night of shitty sleep and shitty dreams. Not that much better. I'm still intensely grumpy, and decidedly uncomfortable.
Logan was lagging behind on almost all of the running segments. Not sniffing, just going too slow. Are we doing too much, too fast for him? Is he just sleepy at 5:30AM? Does he not like running? It's hard to tell. He doesn't speak English.
I tried to assess myself for the 200 sit-ups (really crunches) challenge. I did 80 crunches before I got bored, and that assessed me into the last week of the program so... I think I'm doing okay on them. Maybe I'll just do 200 crunches a few times a week, for fun.
My lower belly could probably use some work, though. I might do low-belly crunches of some kind instead.
Friday is my last day of running 2 minutes, walking 3. Next week, it's run 3 minutes, walk 3 minutes.

Running, Day 2

2010-06-21T08:46:00.000-07:00

Schlepped my ass outta bed at 5 this morning to work on my running goal. 5 is early. I had to pep-talk myself before I went to bed, basically convincing myself that I would get up when the alarm went off. It was surprisingly easy... almost TOO easy... I don't really know why... Maybe I can keep this up, after all?

I did 2 miles with run 2 minutes, walk 3 minutes. Logan is still confused as to why he can't stop & sniff at every little thing while I'm running. He also tried to chase a few cats. That nearly sucked a lot.

I got an app for my Touch that will alert me when it's time to switch from running to walking. Unfortunately, I set it to chirp like a bird... which didn't really work out, because, duh, birds are chirping at that time of morning. Oh well, lesson learned. Also, I remembered to bring a little towel to mop my schweaty face. That was a really good plan. I listened to some sweet Indian music to keep my energy up. Seriously, I need some Bollywood soundtracks; that shit rocks for keeping you going.

Later today, I'll continue on my quest for 100 push-ups & assess myself for the crunches version of same.

This girl is gonna be fit.
rawr.

I Survived!

2010-06-18T06:08:00.000-07:00

Day 1 of working up to running 5 miles for the Turkey Trot.

I made it! I ran 2 minutes, walked 3. It's amazing how long 1 minute of running can seem...

Looks like I did 2.2 miles. Much further than I'd thought!

Logan was not the best partner. He wanted to go faster when I walked, and slower when I ran. He'll learn, I'm sure. At least he doesn't run into me every few minutes, like he used to!

I need to bring a little towel with me next time. I don't know if that was sweat or humidity, but I was drenched! Also, I need to get a watch with a timer. Running with the kitchen timer is not cool. The other kids laughed at me.

workers wanted for gulf cleanup

2010-06-10T09:55:00.000-07:00

PASS IT ON

ExxonMobil has a project manager that is looking for 2,500 men/women to work on the coast cleanup from the Horizon. They are paying $16/hr tax free, lodging, 3 meals day, 7days/12hrs a week with a $25/day per diem. Realize that you will have to file your own taxes. These jobs are starting out in Louisiana and will go down the coastlines until job is finished.

You would be a contract employee, and no guarantee on length of time.....they have no idea how long it will take to do the clean up.

If you know of someone have them immediately call John Bohler (409) 673-4879.

CD RELEASE: Ya Bahaia Vol. 2, Belly Dance Training Companion

2010-06-04T06:40:00.000-07:00

"Ya Bahaia 2: Bellydance Training Companion" was conceived by Bahaia herself with serious dancers in mind. Due to the overwhelming success of her first CD, "Ya Bahaia", featuring music by Samer Issa, Bahaia was constantly fielding requests from dancers worldwide to use her music on the stahe and in the classroom. The songs on "Ya Bahaia" offer something for everyone, from orchestrated arrangements of contemporary Arabic pop, classical songs, drum solos, original compositions and traditional Egyptian folkloric pieces, while "Ya Bahaia Vol. 2" contains looped segments of the same tracks suitable for everything from classroom drills to solo rehearsals. If you enjoyed the music on Cheeky Girls Productions DVD's " 1-2-3 Drum Solo" and "Combin-ography" with Bahaia and the popular series "Combination Nation", you will love practicing along to these exciting tracks. Featuring both lyrical and rhythmic practice segments set at a range of tempos, "Ya Bahaia Vol. 2" features commonly used Arabic rhythms like Malfouf, Saidi, and Maqsum and Masmoudi Kabir and is a must-have reference for belly dancers of all levels.

by Princess Farhana
www.princessfarhana.com

Click HERE to purchase!!

Zoup!

2010-06-02T19:13:00.000-07:00

3 tomatoes
1 jalapeno
1/4 to 1/2 avocado
1 other pepper of indeterminate type
cumin
salt
lime

chop, toss in the blender, add water until the consistency makes you happy, eat with a spoon.

Y.U.M.

Missing Something...

2010-05-19T07:34:00.001-07:00

Last night, I made a beet salad. I sort of just made it up as I went along, and it was lacking in....something....

It went as follows:

3 beets, chopped
4 small carrots, chopped
the peas I'd just harvested
raisins
a bit o' feta
1 tablespoon of olive oil
1 tablespoon of apple cider vinegar
some salt & pepper

What am I missing?

All I Wanted Was Oreos

2010-05-18T07:49:00.000-07:00

I was feeling kind of down last night. I got a crappy score on one of my projects for school, and a tinge of sore throat & fatigue are chipping away at my ability to do all the things I need to do in a day. I haven't been feeling that great about my curriculum lately... I'm starting to think that this course of study isn't what I want after all. Do I really want to do something that will keep me in an office setting? I would love to have a job that involved me playing in the dirt all day, making things grow, then teaching belly dance. Maybe adding yoga & Pilate's to my repertoire. How do I make that happen? How do I make a living playing in the dirt? Ideas? Anyone?

Soanyway... Even the gorgeous lightening storm couldn't pull me out of my mood. Even a trip to Wheatsville didn't work!! Not even 20 minutes in the bulk section, picking out lentils and millet turned my frown upside down...
Then we stopped at 7-11
and I saw them
A rectangular package of processed food product, devoid of nutrients & full of sugar.
AKA: Oreos.
My salvation! Nothing like the rise and fall of a sugar high to get you over the doldrums, right?

BUT

Something happened. Philip bought cucumbers at Wheatsville, said he was going to make a cucumber salad for dinner. I love cucumbers, and I love salad, but the last thing in the world that I wanted was something healthy. OREOS, PEOPLE, OREOS!

So, he chopped up cucumbers, mushrooms & carrots, stirred in some crumbled feta and apple cider vinegar, sliced up a pear on the side & announced that dinner was served.

I had already snarfed two Oreos, and debated eating only Oreos & soy milk for dinner. But I dished up some cucumber salad, picked up pear pieces & settled down.

IT. WAS. AMAZING.

Waaaaaaaayyyyy better than Oreos! I didn't even finish the Oreos! I had two bowls of cucumber salad! The pears were amazing, adding a bit of sweetness against the sharp flavors of the feta and vinegar.

Philip and the cucumber salad rocked my (theoretical) socks!

Ouch, my braaaainz

2010-02-26T09:24:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to think of a business name.

HARDEST. THINK. EVAR.

Alyce Belly Dance?

Too plain.

Alyce's Awesome Extravaganza of Fantastic Belly Dance?

Too long.

RAWR?

Too short.
And also not very descriptive.

Turns out, I'm not very creative when thinking of business names. I wish Liquid Hips wasn't taken...

SIGH.

I'm also struggling with a performance issue. I get really discouraged when the audience is quiet. Now, I know that silence doesn't mean that they don't like it. I even tried to convince myself that they were sitting there in awe... LOL... but the truth is that it actually affects my performance. I dance about & no one claps or yells 'aiwa,' or hisses at my snake arms... and I start to lose some oomph... I have got to get over this.

OOH!
Wonderland Belly Dance!

Bahaia is a genius.

DUDE!!!! where's my yoga?

2010-02-26T06:11:00.000-08:00

Free & donation yoga listings from Austin Yoga Teachers:

Free and Donation Yoga Classes
There are free & donation yoga classes offered in the Austin area! Here are a few:
Amala Foundation Sanctuary Sundays 7-8:15pm The 36th Chamber of Yoga (donation)
AOMA (email) Meditation, Sundays at 5pm, 512-492-3034
Austin Kula Yoga - Open Teacher Practice, Sundays 3-5pm; Shanti for the Heart, last Sunday each month 6:30-7:30pm
Black Swan Yoga, all classes are donation based
Blanton Museum of Art, Third Thursdays at 6:30pm (free)
Burly House
Barton Springs, Robert E. Lee side, Kriya Hatha Yoga w/Athuai, 512.928.2281, Saturdays, 10:30-11:30am, donation
East Side Yoga free:Saturdays 8:15am Intro; donation: Sundays 9:30am Meditation, 10:30am Hatha, 2pm New Teacher Class
Esquina Tango (donation), Sundays 11am Hatha Flow, Wednesdays 6pm Vinyasa Flow,
Fridays 5:30-6:30 Happy Hour
Full Moon Yoga
Kundalini Yoga at Tara House (donation) email for details
Power Yoga Flow (donation)
Outdoor Yoga (donation)
Ruta Maya
South Austin Cancer Center - Tuesdays 2-3pm
Saturday mornings at the lululemon store
Seva Yoga Daily djavascript:void(0)onation classes, 23 Teachers, 55 Classes a week
Soma Vida Saturdays through August 9am
Sanctuary at Amala Foundation Mondays 7:15pm-8:15pm (donation)
Sundara Yoga Therapy Thursdays 7-8:15pm The Art of Self-Healing (donation)
Yoga in the Park, Shipe Park, Wednesdays 6:30pm (donation)
Yoga Yoga in the Park, Republic Square, Wednesdays in March noon-1pm

Head Exploding With Excitement! Plus, some confessions.

2010-02-24T07:43:00.000-08:00

Confession first: I'm shy.
.
.
.
Okay, now that you've stopped laughing at me (which is the usual reaction)... It's true. Most people don't believe me, because I've cultivated the ability to disguise my shyness, to muddle through the panic, but it can be crippling at times. There are so many events I've skipped out on; opportunities I've passed up; friends I haven't made because sometimes it's easier on my to just not panic through the shyness to get to the other side. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten all the way to an event, then just turned around & went home because I couldn't get out of my car, even if it was a show or something. I've canceled gigs because I was too terrified to perform, I've let friendships lapse because the thought of making a phone call makes my heart race and my head spin.
Being in a belly dance and a burlesque troupe have done wonders for this affliction. Having other people depend on me to be there & carry my part of the performance forces me to quietly panic & get my butt out there anyway. There are times when I wish the sound system would suddenly grow legs & run out of the building, thus canceling the show... but that hasn't happened yet...

And now...
I'm going to be dancing my first restaurant gig. This is an essential part of belly dancing. Not only does it help hone skills like improvisational dance, zill playing and audience interaction, it can be the mainstay of a dancer's income.
I'm terrified.
Absolutely terrified.
I have never done this kind of dancing before. I am usually more comfortable on a stage, which provides a cushion between me & the audience. Zills are not my strong point. I have no idea how to ride the fine line of audience interaction and Total Cheese.
I'm also incredibly, mind blowingly excited!
Kind of like this:

I'm excited about the opportunity to work on the skills mentioned above, to make connections in our belly dance community, to dance this dance that I love and to make a little money doing all of the above!
I am overwhelmingly grateful to Bahaia for her guidance and encouragement. Without her, I might have never made this leap. (maybe it's just a step... for me, it feels like a giant leap into the abyss)

Now, I need to gather my favorite songs & practice my zills!

Oh, and if you see me out & about somewhere and I seem like I'm ignoring you, it's probably because I'm just too terrified to talk to you, even if I've known you for awhile. (I find myself doing this to Michelle Manx all the time. I don't know why, but it takes an act of Congress for me to go up & say hello to her in particular.) Please don't think I'm rude. I would be eternally grateful if you'd just come up & crack my shell.

Mardi Gras 2010

2010-02-19T06:53:00.000-08:00

So, last weekend Philip and I went to Louisiana for Mardi Gras. I haven't been since I was in my early 20's, and Rachel, Ryq and I went a few years in a row.
It was a FABULOUS trip!
Well, it did rain the entire 8 hour drive there... but I had new tires, so it wasn't as bad as I could have been if we were ridin' on my old baldies.
It snowed the first morning, which was pretty exciting (especially because it didn't stay - heh) We hung out with family & friends & went to the Hammond parade that night. It was 32 degrees!! SO. COLD.
Saturday, we went into New Orleans for the Endymion parade. Philip's friend lives 4 blocks from the parade route, so we got super swanky parking. The floats were AMAZING. I was SOBER. It was fantastically fun!
Sunday, we went to the Tour Tchefuncte parade in Madisonville. It was a boat parade! I'd never been to one before. It was really fun - another small-town parade. Those bead-tossers had some VELOCITY, though! I thought I was going to get a concussion!
We drove back on Monday (I think 7 of those 8 hours were spent driving through Houston), and I don't think I've ever seen more excited dogs in my life!!

Joe Stack

2010-02-18T11:57:00.001-08:00

"He had a lot to say, but he rendered it all moot by stealing a plane and crashing it into a building full of innocent people."

From The Blotter:

Internet note posted by man linked to plane crash

Thursday, February 18, 2010, 12:16 PM

Editor’s note: We found this note on a Web site being pointed at by social media users. A search showed the domain that the note was posted on is registered to Joe Stack of San Marcos. A man by the same name, who has addresses in both Austin and San Marcos has been linked to today’s airplane crash.

If you’re reading this, you’re no doubt asking yourself, “Why did this have to happen?” The simple truth is that it is complicated and has been coming for a long time. The writing process, started many months ago, was intended to be therapy in the face of the looming realization that there isn’t enough therapy in the world that can fix what is really broken. Needless to say, this rant could fill volumes with example after example if I would let it. I find the process of writing it frustrating, tedious, and probably pointless… especially given my gross inability to gracefully articulate my thoughts in light of the storm raging in my head. Exactly what is therapeutic about that I’m not sure, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

We are all taught as children that without laws there would be no society, only anarchy. Sadly, starting at early ages we in this country have been brainwashed to believe that, in return for our dedication and service, our government stands for justice for all. We are further brainwashed to believe that there is freedom in this place, and that we should be ready to lay our lives down for the noble principals represented by its founding fathers. Remember? One of these was “no taxation without representation”. I have spent the total years of my adulthood unlearning that crap from only a few years of my childhood. These days anyone who really stands up for that principal is promptly labeled a “crackpot”, traitor and worse.

While very few working people would say they haven’t had their fair share of taxes (as can I), in my lifetime I can say with a great degree of certainty that there has never been a politician cast a vote on any matter with the likes of me or my interests in mind. Nor, for that matter, are they the least bit interested in me or anything I have to say.

Why is it that a handful of thugs and plunderers can commit unthinkable atrocities (and in the case of the GM executives, for scores of years) and when it’s time for their gravy train to crash under the weight of their gluttony and overwhelming stupidity, the force of the full federal government has no difficulty coming to their aid within days if not hours? Yet at the same time, the joke we call the American medical system, including the drug and insurance companies, are murdering tens of thousands of people a year and stealing from the corpses and victims they cripple, and this country’s leaders don’t see this as important as bailing out a few of their vile, rich cronies. Yet, the political “representatives” (thieves, liars, and self-serving scumbags is far more accurate) have endless time to sit around for year after year and debate the state of the “terrible health care problem”. It’s clear they see no crisis as long as the dead people don’t get in the way of their corporate profits rolling in.

And justice? You’ve got to be kidding!

How can any rational individual explain that white elephant conundrum in the middle of our tax system and, indeed, our entire legal system? Here we have a system that is, by far, too complicated for the brightest of the master scholars to understand. Yet, it mercilessly “holds accountable” its victims, claiming that they’re responsible for fully complying with laws not even the experts understand. The law “requires” a signature on the bottom of a tax filing; yet no one can say truthfully that they understand what they are signing; if that’s not “duress” than what is. If this is not the measure of a totalitarian regime, nothing is.

How did I get here?

My introduction to the real American nightmare starts back in the early ‘80s. Unfortunately after more than 16 years of school, somewhere along the line I picked up the absurd, pompous notion that I could read and understand plain English. Some friends introduced me to a group of people who were having ‘tax code’ readings and discussions. In particular, zeroed in on a section relating to the wonderful “exemptions” that make institutions like the vulgar, corrupt Catholic Church so incredibly wealthy. We carefully studied the law (with the help of some of the “best”, high-paid, experienced tax lawyers in the business), and then began to do exactly what the “big boys” were doing (except that we weren’t steeling from our congregation or lying to the government about our massive profits in the name of God). We took a great deal of care to make it all visible, following all of the rules, exactly the way the law said it was to be done.

The intent of this exercise and our efforts was to bring about a much-needed re-evaluation of the laws that allow the monsters of organized religion to make such a mockery of people who earn an honest living. However, this is where I learned that there are two “interpretations” for every law; one for the very rich, and one for the rest of us… Oh, and the monsters are the very ones making and enforcing the laws; the inquisition is still alive and well today in this country.

That little lesson in patriotism cost me $40,000+, 10 years of my life, and set my retirement plans back to 0. It made me realize for the first time that I live in a country with an ideology that is based on a total and complete lie. It also made me realize, not only how naive I had been, but also the incredible stupidity of the American public; that they buy, hook, line, and sinker, the crap about their “freedom”… and that they continue to do so with eyes closed in the face of overwhelming evidence and all that keeps happening in front of them.

Before even having to make a shaky recovery from the sting of the first lesson on what justice really means in this country (around 1984 after making my way through engineering school and still another five years of “paying my dues”), I felt I finally had to take a chance of launching my dream of becoming an independent engineer.

On the subjects of engineers and dreams of independence, I should digress somewhat to say that I’m sure that I inherited the fascination for creative problem solving from my father. I realized this at a very young age.

The significance of independence, however, came much later during my early years of college; at the age of 18 or 19 when I was living on my own as student in an apartment in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. My neighbor was an elderly retired woman (80+ seemed ancient to me at that age) who was the widowed wife of a retired steel worker. Her husband had worked all his life in the steel mills of central Pennsylvania with promises from big business and the union that, for his 30 years of service, he would have a pension and medical care to look forward to in his retirement. Instead he was one of the thousands who got nothing because the incompetent mill management and corrupt union (not to mention the government) raided their pension funds and stole their retirement. All she had was social security to live on.

In retrospect, the situation was laughable because here I was living on peanut butter and bread (or Ritz crackers when I could afford to splurge) for months at a time. When I got to know this poor figure and heard her story I felt worse for her plight than for my own (I, after all, I thought I had everything to in front of me). I was genuinely appalled at one point, as we exchanged stories and commiserated with each other over our situations, when she in her grandmotherly fashion tried to convince me that I would be “healthier” eating cat food (like her) rather than trying to get all my substance from peanut butter and bread. I couldn’t quite go there, but the impression was made. I decided that I didn’t trust big business to take care of me, and that I would take responsibility for my own future and myself.

Return to the early ‘80s, and here I was off to a terrifying start as a ‘wet-behind-the-ears’ contract software engineer… and two years later, thanks to the fine backroom, midnight effort by the sleazy executives of Arthur Andersen (the very same folks who later brought us Enron and other such calamities) and an equally sleazy New York Senator (Patrick Moynihan), we saw the passage of 1986 tax reform act with its section 1706.

For you who are unfamiliar, here is the core text of the IRS Section 1706, defining the treatment of workers (such as contract engineers) for tax purposes. Visit this link for a conference committee report (http://www.synergistech.com/1706.shtml#ConferenceCommitteeReport) regarding the intended interpretation of Section 1706 and the relevant parts of Section 530, as amended. For information on how these laws affect technical services workers and their clients, read our discussion here (http://www.synergistech.com/ic-taxlaw.shtml).

SEC. 1706. TREATMENT OF CERTAIN TECHNICAL PERSONNEL.

(a) IN GENERAL - Section 530 of the Revenue Act of 1978 is amended by adding at the end thereof the following new subsection:

(d) EXCEPTION. - This section shall not apply in the case of an individual who pursuant to an arrangement between the taxpayer and another person, provides services for such other person as an engineer, designer, drafter, computer programmer, systems analyst, or other similarly skilled worker engaged in a similar line of work.

(b) EFFECTIVE DATE. - The amendment made by this section shall apply to remuneration paid and services rendered after December 31, 1986.

Note:

Â· “another person” is the client in the traditional job-shop relationship.

Â· “taxpayer” is the recruiter, broker, agency, or job shop.

Â· “individual”, “employee”, or “worker” is you.

Admittedly, you need to read the treatment to understand what it is saying but it’s not very complicated. The bottom line is that they may as well have put my name right in the text of section (d). Moreover, they could only have been more blunt if they would have came out and directly declared me a criminal and non-citizen slave. Twenty years later, I still can’t believe my eyes.

During 1987, I spent close to $5000 of my ‘pocket change’, and at least 1000 hours of my time writing, printing, and mailing to any senator, congressman, governor, or slug that might listen; none did, and they universally treated me as if I was wasting their time. I spent countless hours on the L.A. freeways driving to meetings and any and all of the disorganized professional groups who were attempting to mount a campaign against this atrocity. This, only to discover that our efforts were being easily derailed by a few moles from the brokers who were just beginning to enjoy the windfall from the new declaration of their “freedom”. Oh, and don’t forget, for all of the time I was spending on this, I was loosing income that I couldn’t bill clients.

After months of struggling it had clearly gotten to be a futile exercise. The best we could get for all of our trouble is a pronouncement from an IRS mouthpiece that they weren’t going to enforce that provision (read harass engineers and scientists). This immediately proved to be a lie, and the mere existence of the regulation began to have its impact on my bottom line; this, of course, was the intended effect.

Again, rewind my retirement plans back to 0 and shift them into idle. If I had any sense, I clearly should have left abandoned engineering and never looked back.

Instead I got busy working 100-hour workweeks. Then came the L.A. depression of the early 1990s. Our leaders decided that they didn’t need the all of those extra Air Force bases they had in Southern California, so they were closed; just like that. The result was economic devastation in the region that rivaled the widely publicized Texas S&L fiasco. However, because the government caused it, no one gave a shit about all of the young families who lost their homes or street after street of boarded up houses abandoned to the wealthy loan companies who received government funds to “shore up” their windfall. Again, I lost my retirement.

Years later, after weathering a divorce and the constant struggle trying to build some momentum with my business, I find myself once again beginning to finally pick up some speed. Then came the .COM bust and the 911 nightmare. Our leaders decided that all aircraft were grounded for what seemed like an eternity; and long after that, ‘special’ facilities like San Francisco were on security alert for months. This made access to my customers prohibitively expensive. Ironically, after what they had done the Government came to the aid of the airlines with billions of our tax dollars … as usual they left me to rot and die while they bailed out their rich, incompetent cronies WITH MY MONEY! After these events, there went my business but not quite yet all of my retirement and savings.

By this time, I’m thinking that it might be good for a change. Bye to California, I’ll try Austin for a while. So I moved, only to find out that this is a place with a highly inflated sense of self-importance and where damn little real engineering work is done. I’ve never experienced such a hard time finding work. The rates are 1/3 of what I was earning before the crash, because pay rates here are fixed by the three or four large companies in the area who are in collusion to drive down prices and wages… and this happens because the justice department is all on the take and doesn’t give a fuck about serving anyone or anything but themselves and their rich buddies.

To survive, I was forced to cannibalize my savings and retirement, the last of which was a small IRA. This came in a year with mammoth expenses and not a single dollar of income. I filed no return that year thinking that because I didn’t have any income there was no need. The sleazy government decided that they disagreed. But they didn’t notify me in time for me to launch a legal objection so when I attempted to get a protest filed with the court I was told I was no longer entitled to due process because the time to file ran out. Bend over for another $10,000 helping of justice.

So now we come to the present. After my experience with the CPA world, following the business crash I swore that I’d never enter another accountant’s office again. But here I am with a new marriage and a boatload of undocumented income, not to mention an expensive new business asset, a piano, which I had no idea how to handle. After considerable thought I decided that it would be irresponsible NOT to get professional help; a very big mistake.

When we received the forms back I was very optimistic that they were in order. I had taken all of the years information to Bill Ross, and he came back with results very similar to what I was expecting. Except that he had neglected to include the contents of Sheryl’s unreported income; $12,700 worth of it. To make matters worse, Ross knew all along this was missing and I didn’t have a clue until he pointed it out in the middle of the audit. By that time it had become brutally evident that he was representing himself and not me.

This left me stuck in the middle of this disaster trying to defend transactions that have no relationship to anything tax-related (at least the tax-related transactions were poorly documented). Things I never knew anything about and things my wife had no clue would ever matter to anyone. The end result is… well, just look around.

I remember reading about the stock market crash before the “great” depression and how there were wealthy bankers and businessmen jumping out of windows when they realized they screwed up and lost everything. Isn’t it ironic how far we’ve come in 60 years in this country that they now know how to fix that little economic problem; they just steal from the middle class (who doesn’t have any say in it, elections are a joke) to cover their asses and it’s “business-as-usual”. Now when the wealthy fuck up, the poor get to die for the mistakes… isn’t that a clever, tidy solution.

As government agencies go, the FAA is often justifiably referred to as a tombstone agency, though they are hardly alone. The recent presidential puppet GW Bush and his cronies in their eight years certainly reinforced for all of us that this criticism rings equally true for all of the government. Nothing changes unless there is a body count (unless it is in the interest of the wealthy sows at the government trough). In a government full of hypocrites from top to bottom, life is as cheap as their lies and their self-serving laws.

I know I’m hardly the first one to decide I have had all I can stand. It has always been a myth that people have stopped dying for their freedom in this country, and it isn’t limited to the blacks, and poor immigrants. I know there have been countless before me and there are sure to be as many after. But I also know that by not adding my body to the count, I insure nothing will change. I choose to not keep looking over my shoulder at “big brother” while he strips my carcass, I choose not to ignore what is going on all around me, I choose not to pretend that business as usual won’t continue; I have just had enough.

I can only hope that the numbers quickly get too big to be white washed and ignored that the American zombies wake up and revolt; it will take nothing less. I would only hope that by striking a nerve that stimulates the inevitable double standard, knee-jerk government reaction that results in more stupid draconian restrictions people wake up and begin to see the pompous political thugs and their mindless minions for what they are. Sadly, though I spent my entire life trying to believe it wasn’t so, but violence not only is the answer, it is the only answer. The cruel joke is that the really big chunks of shit at the top have known this all along and have been laughing, at and using this awareness against, fools like me all along.

I saw it written once that the definition of insanity is repeating the same process over and over and expecting the outcome to suddenly be different. I am finally ready to stop this insanity. Well, Mr. Big Brother IRS man, let’s try something different; take my pound of flesh and sleep well.

The communist creed: From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.

The capitalist creed: From each according to his gullibility, to each according to his greed.

Joe Stack (1956-2010)

02/18/2010

Wisdom from Pema Chodron

2010-02-10T09:40:00.000-08:00

From the Pema Chodron FaceBook fan page:

Quotes from Pema Chodran ( if only I was MINDFUL enough to keep these memorized...!)

• The truth you believe and cling to makes you unavailable to hear anything new.

• We work on ourselves in order to help others, but also we help others in order to work on ourselves.

• When we start out on a spiritual path we often have ideals we think we're supposed to live up to. We feel we're supposed to be better than we are in some way. But with this practice you take yourself completely as you are. Then ironically, taking in pain - breathing it in for yourself and all others in the same boat as you are - heightens your awareness of exactly where you're stuck.

• If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.

• There's a reason you can learn from everything: you have basic wisdom, basic intelligence, and basic goodness.

• Compassionate action starts with seeing yourself when you start to make yourself right and when you start to make yourself wrong. At that point you could just contemplate the fact that there is a larger alternative to either of those, a more tender, shaky kind of place where you could live. - In the Gap Between Right and Wrong

• We habitually erect a barrier called blame that keeps us from communicating genuinely with others, and we fortify it with our concepts of who's right and who's wrong. We do that with the people who are closest to us and we do it with political systems, with all kinds of things that we don't like about our associates or our society. It is a very common, ancient, well-perfected device for trying to feel better. Blame others. Blaming is a way to protect your heart, trying to protect what is soft and open and tender in yourself. Rather than own that pain, we scramble to find some comfortable ground. - In the Gap Between Right and Wrong

• When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched, you begin to discover that it's bottomless, that it doesn't have any resolution, that this heart is huge, vast, and limitless. You begin to discover how much warmth and gentleness is there, as well as how much space.

• A further sign of health is that we don't become undone by fear and trembling, but we take it as a message that it's time to stop struggling and look directly at what's threatening us.

• Gloriousness and wretchedness need each other. One inspires us, the other softens us.

• People get into a heavy-duty sin and guilt trip, feeling that if things are going wrong, that means that they did something bad and they are being punished. That's not the idea at all. The idea of karma is that you continually get the teachings that you need to open your heart. To the degree that you didn't understand in the past how to stop protecting your soft spot, how to stop armoring your heart, you're given this gift of teachings in the form of your life, to give you everything you need to open further.

Raw Pad Thai

2010-01-26T08:12:00.001-08:00

So, last night I made the pad thai from Ani's Raw Food Kitchen. It was SO good! The recipe making process was... sort of a comedy of missing ingredients, however... We still can't find Kaffir lime leaves. Every single store that carries them is out. I have no idea what they taste like, or how much more awesome this dish would be if they were in it. We also used regular coconuts instead of thai baby coconuts, and I screwed up the measurements because I forgot halfway through the recipe that I was making a half recipe, not a full.
butanyway
It still turned out amazingly delicious, and I will continue to pester local grocers for Kaffir lime leaves until they come back into stock and I can make these thai dishes for reals.
Only one injury was sustained during the making of this dish - I sliced the %$#* outta my finger on the mandoline.
I did not, however, get any blood in the pad thai.

A Note From Hill Country Weavers:

2010-01-26T05:13:00.000-08:00

A FIBER COMMUNITY RESPONSE TO HAITI

Dear Austin Fiber Community

It is impossible to witness the horror and devastation brought upon the people of Haiti and not be moved to extend a hand.

Knitting Fever and their affiliates have generously pledged to match dollar for dollar up to $50,000, all contributions made by you to any of the charities listed below. As and added incentive we will match a portion of your contribution to further increase its impact!

You can make your cash donation, or write your check out directly to the charity you choose through February 14th. We will then forward your donations to KFI, who will make the contributions in the name of our collective fiber community and your good names.

AMERICAN RED CROSS
DOCTORS WITHOUT BORDERS
DIRECT RELIEF INTERNATIONAL

Please help in the measure of your heart and your pocketbook!

Sue Ellen, Old Oaks Ranch
Susan, Yarnorama
Stacy, The Knitting Nest
Suzanne, Hill Country Weavers
Karli and Allison, Gauge

Brownies - all raw, baby!

2010-01-20T07:36:00.000-08:00

1 cup raw walnuts (or other nuts)
1 cup chopped dates
2 tablespoons raw cocoa powder

Stick it all in a food processor and let 'er rip until it's all chopped fine. Then, stick your fingers in there & squish some together. If it doesn't stick together really well, try adding:

a little oil, very slowly... I think we added 1/2 tablespoon for the brownies in the photo - I use coconut oil
or
a banana, bit by bit
or both

Once it'll stick together really nicely, smoosh it into the bottom of a small baking pan. You can also form it into balls (and roll it in cocoa powder) or make a cake out of it on a plate.
Or heck, eat it with a spoon!

Overwhelmed by Brazil Nuts

2010-01-20T05:42:00.000-08:00

Last night, I made Brazil Broccoli Mash and Tomato Cream soup with a simple salad.
I think I'm giving up on the mash. This is the 2nd time I've made it, and it's too.... something. I can't define it. I think it's the Brazil nuts. It's a whole cup of nuts per 2 cups of broccoli, and that's a lot of freakin' nuts! It sounds so good... maybe if I used it in conjunction with something else, to balance out the taste...
The tomato cream soup is really tasty. The avocado in the recipe makes it thick, with almost a pudding-like texture. Even adding more water doesn't diminish this effect much. I don't dislike it, but I think I'm going to try the recipe without the avocado, and see if I can achieve a soup more like the cooked tomato soups that I love.
The salad was just something I tossed on the plate at the last minute. I shouldn't have bothered... We were so full that we couldn't finish dinner!
The salad dressing I made was pretty tasty. I put (roughly) a tablespoon of balsamic vinegar, a tablespoon of olive oil and 3 tablespoons of nutritional yeast in a jar. I added water to thin it out slightly & shook well.

Tomorrow night, Black Widow performs our first show at Sister's Edge II, our first recurring paid gig! Hopefully, all will go well, and it can be a good source of income and advertising for us.
I'm excited and nervous about the upcoming Dallas Burlesque Festival. Feb 6th, I'll be on stage with some very notable burlesque performers!! The lovely Champagne Shock gave me some great tips (after seeing my audition video), and I am so gonna rock that stage!!
I've got so much coming up with Kan Zaman and Black Widow!! It's so exciting!!

I've been leading the Kan Zaman rehearsals for the last two weeks.... I'll continue to do so until Bahaia is back from maternity leave. It's been really fun and a great learning experience! I'm getting more organized, and sort of feeling my way forward. It's great to have Bahaia's guidance as I make my first foray into something akin to teaching a class. Some day, I'd really like to teach, and this has been really eye opening. Must learn to speak louder. Must be more creative with sword drills. Must find a 5 minute shimmy song. Must do so many things...

What's Going Down the Hatch?

2010-01-11T07:20:00.001-08:00

A typical day of eating raw (as requested):

16 oz of water with lemon & cayenne upon waking
Smoothie (about an hour later)

1 banana
1 cup fruit o' the day
2 dates
1 cup greens
1 tablespoon ground flax
1 teaspoon kelp
water to blend it all

Fruit snack
Kombucha
Lunch salad - lettuce, greens, any veggies I've got lying around, sunflower seeds, cayenne, flax oil.
Fruit snack
Dinner is usually an experiment from Ani's Raw Food Kitchen or a raw recipe that I've found online.

Yum!

PVC to the rescue!

2010-01-08T05:54:00.000-08:00

Nineteen degrees.
Yep. NINETEEN DEGREES. That's how cold it got here in Austin, Texas last night. And guess what? Plants don't like that. Being as I live in Texas, I'm not really on top of it when it comes to covering my beds in the winter. With the threat of NINETEEN DEGREES, however, I called The Natural Gardener to ask if my plants could handle it. They can't.
So... With only about an hour and a half of daylight, I had to run home, measure the beds, run to Lowe's for materials (plastic sheeting, pvc and clamps), water the plants (but not their leaves), and build structures to save their leafy little lives. So that I can eat them.
Does anyone else find that perverse?

I was still working on them after dark, but I got them done... and I assume the plants are still alive this morning... it's not light before I leave for work, so I couldn't check.

Then I went inside & made collard wraps and zucchini fettuccini with cashew aioli. After all that work in the garden, I was really tempted to just grab something unhealthy & put it in my mouth. I resisted, knowing how crappy I would feel afterward, and remembering that fixing something healthy doesn't really take that much time. I stuck a date in my mouth & made dinner!

Then I studied a bit and got a 96% on my biology test.

Then Philip came home, and we watched an episode of Carnivale - after I folded a crapton of towels.

It was a productive evening.

I discovered that my new DVD from Ranya DVD is corrupted or somejunk. :( I hope she can replace it quickly.

I have an urge to (re) learn how to sew. Especially after reading this blog.

What's For Dinner?

2010-01-05T16:40:00.000-08:00

I wasn't feeling like using any appliances tonight. I really just wanted something super simple. I made Ani Phyo's Black Sesame Sunflower Bread last night, but I really wasn't impressed with it. I am unable to waste food, however, so I decided to make something to go on it. I snagged up an avocado, and smooshed it together with some shredded carrots, onion, cilantro, tomato, cayenne a lime and a bit o' sea salt. tossed it on top of the 'bread', and Disco! Dinner is served! I'm still not thrilled by the bread, but it's a nice vehicle for Avocado and Friends.

A Small Miracle

2010-01-04T10:08:00.000-08:00

A miracle happened this morning. My alarm went off at 5:30... and I GOT UP.
It was amazing. I've been battling chronic fatigue for MONTHS (well, actually for years, but it's been extra worse in the last 6 months). I think the only thing that was getting me out of bed for awhile was Philip - he got up with me for work, and now he doesn't have to... and I was having the hardest time doing it on my own.
So anyway. YAY! I don't feel like a zombie for a change!

I've been doing pretty darn good eating 90% raw. I've found my self more like 98.27% most days, which is just fine with me. I did discover that I still can't be trusted around unattended pizza. I didn't want to eat that piece of pizza, but I did anyway. It's another miracle that I escaped with only eating one piece...
Last night, Philip made a tasty jamalaya (to use up some vegan sausages we had in the fridge), and I had some of that. I should have had a salad as well, but I didn't. I will next time.

I've been making tons of tasty recipes from Ani Phyo's book. I'm going to try a 'bread' recipe tonight, and I'm scouting around for a raw pizza recipe for dinner.

In other news...
I was selected to perform in the Dallas Burlesque Festival!
WOO HOO!
I'm nervous, but excited. This is going to be so fun!

RAAAAAAWRRRZZZ

2009-12-30T11:35:00.000-08:00

So, in less than 2 days I'm committing myself to a mostly raw diet. I tried this once before, and it was pretty much a failure. The recipe book that I got was filled with recipes that required soaking, dehydrating, sprouting... and lots of other things that take more organization than I can muster. Plus, I had some misgivings about cutting out cooked grains & legumes. Also, I have a pizza addiction. It's a dirty little secret that I try to keep under wraps.
Anyway.
This time, I'm starting things off with Ani Phyo's Ani's Raw Food Kitchen. Most of her recipes only require a food processor or blender, and can be put together in less than 10 minutes. Now that's my kind of 'cooking'! So far, the recipes have been easy & tasty. :)
I had intended to start on Jan 1st, but I felt so heavy and bogged down after xmas dinner, that I bought her book & started making things the next day. I've been starting my day with a green smoothie, including a big salad or two each day and making something from her book for dinner (the tom kha soup is to die for).
So far, I feel really really really good.
really
One of the main reasons I wanted to try this is because of my lack of energy. I'm a busy lady, with family, school, belly dance, burlesqe, knitting and work. I need to have better energy levels in order to do all the things I love to do. I read up on raw foods, and it seems to help a lot of people with chronic fatigue and adrenal fatigue.
So.... here I go! 80% raw, at least, with some cooked grains & legumes, maybe occasional fish.

On the topic of Things That Keep Me Busy...
Last night, Tessa & Jessica helped me record a video for my Dallas Burlesque Festival application. I've only been doing burlesq for 8 months. I have no idea how hard it is to get into the show... but I'm going for it anyway! I love doing burlesque. I'm not exactly sure what about it appeals to me so much. Maybe I'm just a dirty, dirty girl... ;)
Tonight, I'm starting in on a new choreography that Emily, Megan and I are learning while Bahaia is on maternity leave. I'm really excited about it! Ranya is a beautiful dancer, with amazing technique and tons of knowledge. I think we'll learn a lot from this process!
I'll also be starting on a new burlesqe routine.... I need something fresh!
Can't forget to squeeze in some homework between the glitter and the sequins! I got A's on my first two tests in Chemistry & Biology. Woo hoo!
Oh yeah, and there's a sock that needs finishing.... zomg....

So long, 2009!

2009-12-24T07:31:00.001-08:00

Every year, I look back on the past 12 months, and exclaim that it's been a whirlwind of a year. This one is no different.
I purchased my house in October of 2008, so 2009 was the year that I got to experience being a home owner. I think I got lucky! Nothing major broke! Well, flux capacitor on my air conditioner broke during the hottest time of the summer, but my friend Keith rescued me within 48 hours. We started the conversion of the garage into a studio, but we still have quite a bit of work to do. Other than that, it hasn't been much unlike renting. Oh yeah, except that I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT TO MY HOUSE and I NEVER HAVE TO MOVE AGAIN. Those things are so totally awesome.
What else?
I delved deeper into belly dance. Tried my hand at fusion, and discovered that I like classic Egyptian style better. (who knew?) Went to Tribal Fest, and had an AMAZING time renting a house on the coast with the ladies of Tribalation! and Gypsy Fire. (though Tribal Fest itself was kind of disappointing.) Studied more with Bahaia, and took a class from Stacey Lizette. I love Stacey's intense drilling! I hope to take another class from her in the future.
I started back to school! I discovered that my company would pay for me to pursue a Master's in Nutrition, so I enrolled in online classes, and I'm just starting my 2nd term. Love it!
I joined a burlesque troupe - Black Widow Burlesque. I quit to attend school, but I miss it so much that I'm working out a way to go back.
I knitted socks! Ryq told me to stop being a pansy & just knit the damn things... so I did! And it worked! One was a bit bigger than the other... but heck, it was my first pair!
I experimented with eating habits... tried raw foods for 2 weeks, did a green smoothie cleanse...
I gained a frightening amount of weight & started losing it the gradual, healthy way.

Most importantly, I lost my grandfather, Robert Rayfield. This was my first experience losing someone close to me, and it wasn't what I expected... I miss him, but I am so glad that he isn't in pain anymore.

Well, those are some of the highlights of 2009...

In 2010... I intend to:

develop more as a performer - both in belly dance & burlesque
ace all my classes like a champ
knit more socks
eat a 90% raw foods diet

Have a great holiday season & I hope that 2010 is a wonderful year for everyone!

Unwilling Assassin

2009-12-01T06:41:00.000-08:00

Last night, I had a dream that I was an unwilling assassin. Some men dressed in slick suits kidnapped me from the crummy trailer park where I was living (maybe that was just a flash back), and refused to let me go home until I killed this man. He was the son of a foreign dignitary, very young. We were at a huge party in a dive Cajun restaurant. Everyone was dressed to the nines. I was given a gun that looked like a power drill. It was a semi-automatic. In that crowded room, I couldn't discern how I would use such a potentially loud gun & still be able to escape. I considered just killing everyone. No witnesses.
Suddenly, the party was over, and I had missed my mark. The men escorted me back to the van & proceeded to take me with them on a series of petty drug deals conducted at run-down domiciles in shady neighborhoods, under a cloudy grey sky.
I woke up just as I was starting to recognize some of the residents.

One Hundred Push-ups

2009-11-24T09:20:00.000-08:00

I like the idea of doing push-ups. They're one of those exercises that tone the whole body. I can't do very many - at least not with good form. I can do "girly" push-ups - from the knees. That makes me feel like a wimp.
K told me about One Hundred Push-ups. Heck, why not? I'm going to give it a try, see if I can't work up to 100 push-ups a day!
RAWRZ!

Puppy in Orbit

2009-11-12T09:48:00.000-08:00

I took the puppy for a run. Well, I tried taking him for a run. I'm still working up to running for significant stretches, so we just ran a few blocks at a time. The first two stretches were okay, but the third one was a disaster. He got really excited & started running around me in circles at top speed. I was so afraid he was going to get loose & run into traffic on Brodie. I basically had to stand there & hold on to the end of the leash for dear life as he orbited me like a freaking comet! Eventually, he calmed down, & we went about our business. I hope I can turn him into a good running partner. He could use the exercise! He's getting chubby!

So, I'm trying to lose weight in earnest for probably the first time in my life. After a terrifying weigh-in at my doctor's office a month ago, I decided that it was time to stop making excuses & get my shit in gear. The biggest reason wasn't the number on the scale (though that did freak me out, and was the impetus for me getting my shit together), but the fact that I just don't feel like myself. Despite years of belly dancing, I'm not as flexible or as agile as I used to be even just 3 or 4 years ago. The weight that I've put on in the last 2 or 3 years has greatly detracted from my dancing, and that saddens me. I'm not old enough to feel this crummy!

Since that fateful day, 10/8 was the date, I've dropped 13 lbs & and inch. How am I doing it? The good old fashioned way - fewer calories, better food choices, and more exercise.

Wish me luck!

Discontent

2009-11-09T07:35:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling pretty shitty today, but this helped:

Santosha: The Ease of the Heart

By Swami Shraddhananda

Continuing with our series on the eight limbs of yoga, as outlined by Patanjali in the Yoga Sutras , we come to the second observance, or niyama , which is santosha , or contentment. It is key to all the niyamas and a necessary condition for enlightenment. Contentment paves the way for the integration of all the tools yoga offers.

Contentment is a requirement for peace of mind, yet we live in a culture that fosters discontentment. We are bombarded by advertisements that make us feel inadequate and promote a continual grasping for material wealth and sensual experience. We are taught to seek superficial gratification with no regard for future consequences for ourselves or the world. We become attached to things and people to avoid our personal discomfort. We are led to believe that satisfaction of our cravings, as well as our egos, will bring happiness. To the contrary, ignorance, egoism, attachment, aversion and clinging to the sensual are actually obstacles to our contentment and our prospects for liberation. These five obstacles (called kleshas in the yoga texts) are the causes of all suffering. No wonder people can be so short-tempered and grouchy!

So, what is contentment, and how do we incorporate it as an "observance" in our lives? Contentment is serenity, but not complacency. It is comfort, but not submission; reconciliation, not apathy; acknowledgment, not aloofness. Contentment is a mental decision, a moral choice, a practiced observance, a step into the reality of the cosmos. Contentment/santosha is the natural state of our humanness and our divinity and allows for our creativity and love to emerge. It is knowing our place in the universe at every moment. It is unity with the largest, most abiding, reality.

Too often we think too small. Some people believe they must close their eyes to the suffering of others in order to maintain their own contentment. They confuse indifference with detachment, passivity with peacefulness, and isolation with equanimity. But hiding one's head in the sand will not guarantee contentment. There is an old saying from India: “You can wake up a sleeping person but you cannot awaken someone who is pretending to sleep.”

There are several ways to cultivate contentment. We can practice yoga postures, pranayama (deep breathing) and meditation to keep our energies balanced and our mind serene--qualities that lead toward contentment. We can keep a journal of things for which we are grateful. The deepest contentment comes at those moments when we feel we are in the flow of life, when we are communing with nature, when our energies are positive and when we have no desires. By being conscious of these moments, we can strengthen, expand and sustain the feeling of contentment for longer periods of time. Even when we are surrounded by chaos and disharmony, we can return to this feeling and find ourselves back in a place of peace and quietude. The state of contentment becomes a familiar place when we observe it throughout the day. The key is to bring our attention fully to it when it occurs and not hurry on to the next activity. And by affirming our place in the cosmos, our connection to others and our interface with the divine, it is harder to lose our way when disturbances arise.

One of the benefits of contentment is emotional maturity. Dramatic mood swings diminish, and personal crises are no longer the end of the world. Global events do not push us into isolated selfishness, but rather into community. Self-absorption is no longer the theme of our life. The loss of a job, the end of a relationship, or the nightly news broadcast does not leave us feeling devastated or powerless. This does not mean we have no feelings. But when we consciously santosha, we spend more time in contentment and less time in agitation, more time in consciousness awareness, and less time in the emotionality of anger or depression or other negativities. Contentment offers a doorway into another way to experience the world. There is elegance to how it shapes power in lives and allows for greater service to the world.

We live in times of great upheaval, whether we call it the 21st century or the end of the Kali yuga (the age of darkness). We are riding on a wave made of many changes, and because the wave is so high and moving so quickly we cannot always see clearly. People's lives across the planet are agitated by economic disparities, war, climate change and fears of the unknown. We are both the product and creator of these conditions; we help re info rce in one another the qualities of love or fear, contentment or discontentment. Ignoring these factors or becoming overwhelmed by them serves no one. The embrace of a larger reality is necessary in order to give us the courage to act as well as the solace of daily sustenance.

Many prominent leaders who promote non-violence and work toward improving the world have recognized that the cultivation of contentment is a requirement for working to alleviate the misery and suffering that surrounds them. Some of these spiritual souls, all of whom were nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, are Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Aung San Suu Kyi (a Buddhist leader in Burma under house arrest for years and Nobel Peace Prize winner, 1991), Shirin Ebadi (a woman Iranian human rights lawyer and the first Muslim to win the Nobel Peace Prize, 2003), Jodi Williams (founder of International Campaign to Ban Land Mines, who persuaded 122 countries to sign the Land Mine Ban treaty, and winner of the Nobel Peace Prize, 1997), Kathy Kelly (Catholic peace worker, nominated twice for the Nobel Peace Prize and recently jailed for peaceful protest at the School of Americas in Fort Benning, Georgia). All of these people observe contentment as they work for non-violent change, even in the face of harassment, criticism and jailings.

The eight limbs of yoga serve as a map for transformation, bringing balance to the inner and outer life. The eight limbs are yamas (restraints), niyamas (observances), asanas (postures), pranayama (breath control), pratyahara (sense withdrawal), dharana (concentration), dhyana (meditation) and samadhi (contemplation). These are tools to harmonize us as social beings and to balance us as individuals. The purpose of these eight limbs is to free us to realize our full potential and to bring liberation.

May all hearts be at ease. May our contentment promote the energies to alleviate suffering and turn ignorance into knowledge. May the cultivation of santosha guide us to courageous action, deeper community and greater love of all sentient beings.

Monthly Rant

2009-11-06T08:07:00.000-08:00

Well, this is the time of the month when I'd post how FUCKING BATSHIT CRAZY I've been for the past week & how I take it all out on poor Philip & fill a screen with regrets.
But you know what?
That didn't happen.
Well, at least it didn't seem to happen... so maybe I've suddenly become totally oblivious to the Raving Crazies.
Barring that, however, it seems I've been cured!
A month ago, I dumped my Yasmin. I immediately dropped 10lbs, stopped having migraines, was relieved of persistent foggy-headedness, and stopped having a myriad of awful PMS symptoms.
Yeah, special thanks to my doctor for telling me over & over that none of those things were related to Yasmin.
I'm switching doctors by the way.

More good news - the explosion of my kitchen pipes was not as bad as previously thought. Philip & I stuck it back together & were able to wash dishes & whatnot. It seems that the join was ruptured by being jostled. So, we just need to go back in & do it the right way (thanks for nothing, ex roommate), but it's working until then, as long as we don't touch it.

It looks like I've got a weekend full of blissful homework coming up. Philip is working both days, & has practice Friday night, so I'll be happily buried under a pile of books. Sure, I'd rather spend my time with him, but this is a pleasant alternative. :)
Oh! I have a running partner! We're going to start running together on Saturday. We plan to start slow. Real. Slow. Which is good, because even when I'm fast, I'm not that fast. ;)
So, good things are afoot for me! :)
I hope good things are footin' around with you, too!

Pittie at TLAC needs adopter by 10/30

2009-10-28T13:09:00.000-07:00

From Love a Bull:

This dog was brought to our attention, and has until 10/30 (this Friday) to find a home. If you can help, or pass along to others, please do -- put in an application for adoption at TLAC as soon as possible. His ID# is A559204, and pics are attached. Here's the report from a volunteer:

This male pit bull is about 55 pounds, full grown, staffordshire breed, 1yr 6 months, healthy as can be, great coat that is brindle and white. He is an amazingly beautiful pit. As of yesterday, he was in pen #244. He didn't make the adoption list for Town Lake as many pits and dogs don't because they have too many, so even the great dogs have to be put down. His euthanasia date was 10/29, but I extended it to the latest of 10/30 to keep trying to reach out to someone to rescue him. If it wouldn't cost me my soon to be marriage I would go get him so fast.

For the hour and a half that I was there yesterday evening, he sat on my lap for about an hour of it just relaxing, calmly and sweetly. If a dog went by, he was interested and would go up to the fence, but with his tail wagging happily. He deserves a second chance and would make any family so happy. He isn't fixed, but would be before leaving the shelter. I would do anything. I could even pick him up and bring him to you. Please please help me save this amazing pit bull.

Antsy

2009-10-27T10:02:00.000-07:00

I feel so antsy today. Jumpy & jittery & unable to stay in my skin. Sorry 'bout that, skin...
I desperately need to go to the gym to work it out, but there's this pesky work thing blocking my way. Soon... soon... I will let that treadmill have all of this pent up energy. I certainly don't need it to sit at this desk all day!
I went to Stacey Lizette's drop-in class last night! Zills. I think I might be addicted. It was challenging, because I'm not used to the Suhaila format, and zills are one of my weaker points as a dancer. Sadly, so is layering! sniffle
How can one be a belly dancer & not bet good at layering?! I don't know... it's something to work on, for sure.
Anyway, I signed up for her Tuesday night beginner class. She offered to give me direction during class to go further than the exercises we're doing. That'll be awesome. I've wanted to take her class for quite some time. The contrast between her's and Bahaia's classes is interesting. Stacey is much more drill oriented (as is the nature of the Suhaila style), and Bahaia is more movement oriented. I think that the two styles will complement each other nicely, and really help me progress as a dancer.
We carved pumpkins last night! One of my favorite Halloween traditions... I got Philip a fairytale pumpkin, and he made it into a spaceship. I got all fancy & used a stencil to make a kitteh on mine. Pics soon!
Oh, and Philip made one of the amazing recipes out of the Veganomicon, the Cauliflower and Mushroom Potpie with Black Olive Crust.
zomg
I ate like 95 helpings.
Alex & Ben were over for a bit last night, too. I just love it that we have so many awesome neighbors!

365 Days

2009-10-20T12:02:00.000-07:00

I have a lot of friends with kids. I'm sure everybody does. One neat thing that some parents do is to take a pic of the kiddo every single day, to see the changes that happen so rapidly in babies.
I wish I'd taken pics like that of Logan, so I could see the morph from 43lb scaredy cat into 80lb clumsy lapdog. He looks the same to me, I just can't pick him up & put him on my hip any more.
It got me thinking... how quickly do we change as adults? Not as rapidly as babies, obviously. I was further inspired by some of the 365 Day photo projects out there, like this one. I'm not sure if I'll do 365 days, but maybe if it's super fun I'll just keep going.
So, here we go. Day One:

(I'm not having a great day, thus the less than enthusiastic look)

THE SECOND COMING

2009-10-16T12:14:00.000-07:00

THE SECOND COMING

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: a waste of desert sand;
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Wind shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

- William Butler Yeats

For some reason, this has always been one of my favorite poems. I always hear it in the voice of Laurence Fishburne.

Quote from Martha Graham

2009-10-15T08:09:00.000-07:00

RB posted this quote on her blog today, I thought it worth sharing:

“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening
that is translated through you into action,
and because there is only one of you in all time,
this expression is unique.

If you block it,
it will never exist through any other medium
and be lost.
The world will not have it.

It is not yours to determine how good it is;
nor how it compares with other expressions.
It is your business to keep the channel open.
You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work.
You have to keep open and aware directly
to the urges that motivate you.

Keep the channel open.
No artist is ever pleased.
There is no satisfaction whatever at any time.
There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction;
a blessed unrest that keeps us marching
and makes us more alive than the others.”

–Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille

Ana

2009-10-14T13:58:00.001-07:00

I've been obsessively reading pro-ana blogs for the past two days. It all started when I came across Ivonne Thein's photography exhibit. She originally wanted ana models, but none of them would do the project, so she photoshopped the model down to 23 kilos of weight. The resulting photographs, of ghastly think women in surgical gauze & corsets is frightening. This was when I discovered that the pro-ana pro-mia movement even existed. Supporters say that anorexia & bulimia are lifestyle choices & should be respected as such. The voices of these women terrify me.
"...and we'd meet then. And she'd say "You look scary thin and sick". I would be so proud of myself."
"I just know that I'm not even close to my all-time low weight, so I know I'll hate myself and relaspe (sic) for sure if I look. I'm scared to look. But I'm dying to know. I hate myself."
I don't know what to make of it. I don't know how to wrap my brain around it. Even in my own desperate struggle with my weight, I've never thought of resorting to something so harmful.
There are miles of websites for pro-ana / pro-mia. They offer tips, tricks, advice on how to shave off calories, hide your disease, exercise more. Some of them claim to not support the dangerous side of the lifestyle, but instead promote healthy weight loss while getting all the necessary nutrients.

It makes me feel slightly sick inside, nauseous a bit. I obsessively searched pictures under "pro ana" and came up with terrifying images that reminded me of pictures from Auschwitz....

Dog Orphan Needs A Home - spread the word!

2009-10-13T13:49:00.000-07:00

I know most of you can't take on a dog but I'm hoping that you can help me get the word out!

A friend of a friend rescued this puppy from the street (where he almost got hit) in San Antonio. He's a pretty cute little guy, so please forward this info on to anyone you know who might be looking for a new fuzzy family member!

He is 19 pounds & has had his first shots. He tested heartworm negative & scheduled to be neutered on Friday. He is friendly with a nice temperament. He is currently being fostered at a doggie daycare in San Antonio.

Contact: pamprd.pawz@yahoo.com

Things That Should Not Be Knit

2009-10-09T13:20:00.000-07:00

I surf knitting patterns on my break, and sometimes I come across things that are... interesting...

Like this:

What's Jenn Making for Dinner?

2009-10-09T10:12:00.000-07:00

this:

Spicy Tortilla Soup

* 1 large onion, coarsely chopped
* 3 tablespoons vegetable oil
* 4 corn tortillas, coarsely chopped
* 2 cloves garlic, minced
* ¼ cup chopped fresh cilantro
* 2 cans tomato puree(10 oz)
* 1 pkg seitan, cut into strips
* 8 cups vegetable broth (64 oz)
* 1 tablespoon cumin
* 2 teaspoons Chili powder
* 2 bay leaves
* ⅛ teaspoon ground red pepper
* 3 corn tortillas
* vegetable oil
* 1 avocado, peeled, seeded, and cubed

Sautee onions, then process onion until smooth. Measure 1 cup of onion puree and set aside: reserve remaining puree for other uses.
Heat oil in large pot over medium heat. Cook 4 chopped tortillas, garlic, and cilantro until tortillas are soft. Add 1 cup onion puree, tomato puree, and next 6 ingredients. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer 30 minutes. Remove and discard bay leaves.
Cut 3 tortillas into thin strips. Pour oil to depth of 1 inch into large heavy skillet. Fry strips in hot oil over medium heat until browned. Remove tortilla strips and salt to taste. **Alternatively strips can be sprayed with cooking spray and baked in oven until crisp.
You need to serve the soup after the chips are done because the chips are tastier when still warm.
Serve soup garnished with avocado and tortilla strips!

ugh

2009-09-28T09:55:00.001-07:00

Today is one of THOSE days. The ones where you just want to wind the clock back to three days ago & erase a series of unfortunate events that led to you to this point.
Philip and I got into a huge fight yesterday over some crazed PMS bullshit I managed to conjure up.
what. is. wrong. with. me?
Surely there is a treatment for going BATSHIT CRAZY once a month... THIS is why women used to go away during their periods, because insanity amongst women can be tolerated & forgiven, but men are in MORTAL DANGER when the PMS hits.
I have no idea if he hates me today or not. I'm just going to assume the worst.

It's a whole list of things today:
overdrew my checking account
paid the mortgage late
can't get my ass up to do yoga
grumpy grumpy grumpy
job is killing me with boredom
hate my body
house is dirty
etc...etc...etc...

HOWEVER
One good thing did happen today. I made a coffee date with a new friend. I guess I'll have to postpone suicide until after that...

Building Community

2009-09-25T08:15:00.000-07:00

One of the things I missed the most about the Eugene belly dance community was that... well, it EXISTED. When I moved here, there was very little cohesiveness between the belly dancers, comparatively. In the past 2 years, it seems like the community has formed a bit more. Maybe it's just that I'm finding out about more events... I'm not sure. Having a cohesive belly dance community is important to me. Since I span the genres of belly dance, I like to know when cabaret or tribal events are happening. I just found out yesterday that there's a meetup beyond the Austin Belly Dance Assn group that posts events, and the day before that, I discovered that Drishti had their own group & weren't posting on any one else's group. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KEEP UP?! I reallyreallyreally want to get to know Drishti. They are the only ATS troupe I've seen in Austin that gave me chills & made me want to dance. I love my studies in Egyptian, but I miss the tribal style so much!
Anyway, I went to the Mirage Showcase last night on campus. They do a show every other Thursday at UT's Student Union. (I'm dancing there on Oct 8th). Two of my troupe mates were dancing, and they did GREAT! I was so proud. I love watching other people dance. It gives me inspiration & ideas and just makes me so happy... I thought I was going to pass out from awe when Sherry danced. She is so natural and fluid and graceful. Love her style.
Anyway, I raise my green smoothie in a toast to the Austin belly dance community! May we come together more often in the dance!

Back in the Swing

2009-09-23T10:36:00.000-07:00

It's been raining on & off for days. After one of the hottest summers on record in Austin, TX, this is a blissfully welcome occurrence. I am moving back into the swing of things after my grandfather's death. Such a sudden flurry of events threw off all of the burgeoning schedules I was cultivating. I'm back on a regular study schedule, finding time to relax knitting, as soon as this monster bruise on my foot stops hurting so much, I'll be able to lace up a shoe & get back to the workouts that require shoes (poor puppy hasn't been on a proper walk in a few days!)
Speaking of puppy, today is his birthday! Well, it's the day we think would very likely be his birthday - he's a rescue. At 2 years old, he's every bit the gangly, clumsy and adorable teenager his years indicate. 75 pounds of silly black pit-bull lapdog. He loves to curl up on the couch next to me while I'm studying or knitting & just lay his (considerably heavy) head on my lap. Happy birthday, Logan!

I'm really struggling with my eating habits right now. I wanted to try an all raw diet, but I'm just not sure about all raw... I've been making a smoothie every day with lots of greens. I notice a big change in my energy levels when I have that in my day. I made 5 big ones on Sunday & stuck them in the freezer. I learned yesterday that I have to let the smoothie thaw OUTSIDE of the fridge, or I'm stuck with a rock-hard snack until about 7PM.
I'm craving lots of unhealthy things... like... french fries... and not the reasonably decent kind that you make at home. Oh no. No way. I want fries from Wendy's or Jack in the Box. I think it's the deviant experience of going to a fast food establishment, rather than the actual fries, because I make DAMN good fries at home.

Well, here's a green-smoothie toast to getting back into the swing of things!

Bob

2009-09-11T12:12:00.000-07:00

Robert Rayfield passed away at 10:30 AM Sept 10th 2009. He will be buried on Sept 15th at Fort Sam Houston National Cemetery, with full military honors.
He was the father of 7 children, (6 of them girls) and saw 5 grandchildren come into this world. He was a pilot in the Air Force and a professor of English - so well loved that cards & phone calls from former students came in all last week for him.
He used to do push-ups with me on his shoulders, and was a wealth of trivia about the countries he'd visited and lived in.
He was much loved during his life and will be terribly missed.

It was a long weekend...

2009-09-09T11:32:00.000-07:00

I feel hollowed out, slightly flattened and totally unable to smile. I spent the better part of Saturday with my family, visiting my grandfather. It made me think of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Weird to see the man that used to pick me up and carry me around on his shoulders now wasted to the point of immobility, diaper changes and sippy cups. He is surprisingly alert. I don't know how long that will last. He only has a few days left on the antibiotics that are basically keeping him alive. After that... who knows? His organs will start to shut down & the pneumonia will take over.... Will it hurt? Will it be scary? I don't even know. I'm sure they'll give him something to make him 'comfortable'. I don't know if he's scared of dying. At this point, it feels like an awkward question to ask. The hardest part is seeing my grandmother. She is so cheerful and teases him and cares for him in every way possible... but her eyes contain sadness that I've never seen before. That is the truly heart breaking part. He continues to get cards & phone calls from old friends, students, family... The students are the neatest part. He was an English professor after retiring from the Air Force. After all these years, students still remember him fondly, and think enough to call and wish him well on his next journey.

I went back on Monday to take my brother to see him. He'd been asking about him for a week. The kid was totally freaked out by it, which I understood, but still thought was weird. He was glad I "kidnapped" him, though. I'm glad too.

The raw food experiment seems to have gone by the wayside. This weekend blew it all to smithereens. As K put it "comfort food is not raw". Plus, my mom kind of freaked out and said we had to eat all the leftovers in my grandmother's fridge OR ELSE... I was scared. I even ate chicken.

I'm still eating a lot of raw or lightly cooked foods. I felt pretty crummy after that dinner, but I feel fine now. I'm still making smoothies. Another factor that made my commitment waver is my text book. It has all kinds of things to say about how a 100% raw diet is not good for you. Plus, I MISS GRAINS! GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have exciting plans for miso soup tonight... with quinoa... oh yesh...

Crummy Day 4

2009-09-03T12:47:00.000-07:00

I feel shitty today. Last night, Logan chewed through the pocket on Philip's shorts & ate something he shouldn't have, and it was expensive. Well, like 500$ expensive, but pretty bad for someone who just spent her last dime on schoolbooks. I think I was actually feeling pretty good until then... so maybe it's all in my head.

And last night was so fun, you'd think some of it would carry over into my day today!! We had dinner last night with some new friends. It had been pre-designated as a non-raw night, because we'd made the plans before I started this whole thing. As it turns out, they would have been game to do a raw dinner, so I'll be sure to ask if this comes up again in the next month. We made sushi, spring rolls & gyoza. Oh, and miso soup! It was all so good! They're a really nice couple with great kids. They made seitan from scratch! We spent most of the evening tossing around ideas for vegan specials that the Black Sheep could do. Anyway, we stumbled home full & happy.

but boy do I feel shitty today. I didn't have a smoothie for breakfast. I chose to have museli instead & save the smoothie for later in the day. (maybe I should go drink it now)

At any rate, I feel like shit. I'm definitely not discounting the fact that I just started my period, which brings on general malaise. In fact, about this time of the month every thing is horrible, Philip is Satan, everyone hates me and I just want to die... so... since I don't feel that bad, maybe I should count this as a GOOD day...

Smoothie /FAIL/

2009-09-02T06:44:00.000-07:00

So, I failed at smoothie making this morning. I didn't check last night to make sure I had everything I needed to make a smoothie recipe, so when the morning came, I was just tossing things into the blender, hoping to make a good mix. It turned out a bit bitter. Not too terrible, but I think I'll stick to recipes for awhile.

I found a receipt on the table for the chicken & bread that Philip apparently had for dinner last night. It made me really sad. I was so excited to do this together, and I busted my ass to make sure there were salads and snacks already made so that no one would feel deprived. I feel like I did all that work for nothing, or that I failed to do it right. Maybe he just had an evening of weakness, and will still do this with me...

Smmoooothies

2009-09-01T11:58:00.000-07:00

So, I went to this lecture last night about fatigue in women and how diet relates.
Yes. I am a NERD.

Yeah, like that.

Also, I've been having fatigue problems my whole life, especially lately. You should see the dust bunnies accumulating in my house...

Basically, she told us that fatigue occurs when the mitochondria in your cells don't have what they need to do their normal daily task of makin' ATP. Like me trying to work without my computer. (how EVER would I surf Facebook all day?!)
She also talked a lot about this whole Green Smoothie thing. (leafy greens blended with fruit to make a healthy, delicious smoothie) Despite the fact that I've heard over & over about how awesome green smoothies are... I've never made one. I think that, subconsciously, they're on my list of Things That Are Too Hippie To Try. However, I'm so tired of being fatigued, that if this woman told me to paint myself blue and streak through downtown, I'd probably try it.
So, this morning I got up to wrestle with the crappy blender that I've had for 15 years. After a lot of cussing & accidentally blending in some of my wooden spoon, I had successfully made smoothies with bananas, pineapple, spinach & flax seeds. WHEW.
It was very green.
It was also very tasty.
I feel pretty energetic today, so... we'll see, maybe this will be my answer. Something this tasty certainly can't hurt, right?

So Much For Being A Faker

2009-09-01T06:23:00.000-07:00

Well, they are apparently sending my grandfather home to die. He cannot survive without antibiotics, so they are giving him enough for 7 days, and then he will "die quickly". So, he'll get to die at home, and that's good. I'm going to go say my goodbyes (again) this weekend. I just want him to pass quietly & peacefully, with no pain.

Raw Foods

2009-08-30T08:08:00.000-07:00

Philip and I decided to eat raw foods for a month. Well, mostly raw, at least.

So far, it's not so bad!

Dinner last night:

Breakfast this morning:

Bob

2009-08-27T08:49:00.000-07:00

When I was little, we lived with my mom's parents in Japan. My grandpa would let me & my brother ride on his shoulders every morning while he did push-ups. I thought it was the coolest thing. He was the strongest guy I knew (my dad was stationed in Korea, but I'll bet he was strong too)
It's such a contrast to see him become frail in this last year. He went from being intelligent, world-traveled grandpa to being an Old Man, not capable of sustaining much of a conversation. And then to see him in his hospital bed... so emaciated. His collar bone was freakishly jutted out from his neck. There was a tube in his nose sucking bile from his stomach (I'll never drink spirulina again). His hands were covered with tape and tubes, but the tips of his fingers were so delicate-looking. I wanted desperately to take a picture of him.
My family was in good spirits, with only telltale signs of stress & tears. The most difficult thing was seeing my grandmother. She has been his caregiver through all of this, and feels responsible for his health. No amount of dissuasion can change that in her mind. She is so sad, but she is also the strongest person I know.
My cousin asked me if I think this is IT. The end... I don't know. So far, he's still alive. He has an obstructed bowel, which requires surgery. He cannot live without the surgery, but he is not stable enough for them to perform it. He has pneumonia. Despite the fact that he's "doing well" (considering), it's still grim prospects. I don't know if they would proceed with surgery even if he doesn't stabilize? I guess they would have to... and he could die during surgery. I know he would much rather die with my grandmother holding his hand. I hope that's how he goes. Peacefully & quietly with his Ann next to him.

Death

2009-08-26T06:59:00.001-07:00

My grandfather is dying. Like right this very second, dying. This is my very first experience with death, really. A few people in my life have passed, but no one that I was close to. Even just yesterday, I was talking to a friend about how I would handle it... I really have no idea. I went to my first funeral last year, for Philip's grandmother, and my first memorial service was only in 2006. I'm a neophyte to the world of death grief.
So, my grandfather was admitted to the hospital yesterday, & given 48 hours to live. This isn't sudden, or surprising. His health has been steadily declining, and every time I see him he is slower, more easily tired, experiencing more difficulties.
I don't really know how I feel. I don't really feel anything, to tell the truth. I'm going to try to see him today, so maybe that will make it real in my mind....

Today's Mantra

2009-08-24T14:03:00.001-07:00

It's not that I hate my job. My job is fine. It doesn't require me to do anything gross or morally reprehensible. I am not subjected to harassment or belittlement by my peers or superiors. In fact, I have a pretty cushy job, all things considered.
But GAWD is it boring.
soooooo boring.
Perhaps I've complained about this before?
boooooooooooooooooooooring
It gives me homicidal thoughts.
"Austin Woman Slays Co-Workers Due to Overload of Ennui"
Please don't let me die before I realize some sort of career change.
To top it all off, I've just started school, so I have a STACK of delicious books & study guides next to me, just filled with fascinating bits of information that I long to absorb! They are tantalizing, and I'm not sure if bringing them to work was the best plan I've ever had... Sure, I cracked them open on my lunch break, delving into the upcoming assignments for the course... but how can I get anything done with people IMing me all through my lunch?! So hard to ignore that little blinking icon...
So anyway. Back to the title of this post: Today's Mantra.
Today's mantra is: "My job is a means to an end."

Blessed Air Conditioning, I Love You!

2009-08-18T07:09:00.000-07:00

After a full day's work, Keith came over and changed my flux capacitor, creating a flow of sweet, cool air into my home. THANK YOU, KEITH!
Damn. Friends are so awesome. If he ever has a knitting or belly dance emergency, I'm all over it.

Now that my brain is not schweaty & I can think clearly, I have some exciting news! I've enrolled for my first two classes at Clayton College of Natural Health! I received an e-mail regarding their ridiculous cut on tuition rates, and I couldn't pass it up! (240$ off per course!) So, I am currently enrolled in Fundamentals of Holistic Nutrition and Basic Herbology.

HOORAY!

As soon as my books get here, I'll be officially a student!

No A/C in the Texas Heat

2009-08-17T06:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my air conditioning went out. My first snafu as a homeowner! Yeeeeeehaw! Not sure what the problem is (of course, because I know nothing about a/c units). So far, it hasn't been too bad. Last night was a relatively cool night, maybe around 80*, so the house was 85*. Normally, I wouldn't be able to sleep in that temperature, but, as luck would have it, I also had a migraine! No, they don't help me sleep, silly. One of the things I do when I have a migraine is put an ice pack on my neck. I seem to remember that this cools down the body, and I was able to sleep most of the night. In fact, I was cool enough that I thought my a/c had started working!
Mostly I'm worried that my poor pooches are having a miserable day. :(
I'm a sucker.

Now please enjoy this ridiculous pic of Logan:

The Brannon Files

2009-08-15T14:45:00.000-07:00

He's so cute, I just had to take a million pics of him!

Garden Pics - August '09

2009-08-15T06:03:00.001-07:00

A Text From Philip

2009-08-14T06:29:00.000-07:00

Holy mackeral i love u!

Logan

2009-08-13T07:24:00.000-07:00

javascript:void(0)

screwin' the pooch

2009-08-06T11:41:00.001-07:00

not like that, you perv!

So, I blew it within the first 36 hours. Turns out that eating gluten free takes some thought & planning - who knew? Anyway, I didn't think about the breading on the tempura I ate or some of the sauces I used. Now I feel full of phlegm & my headache is 10 times worse than before lunch. So maybe there is a connection between gluten & my headaches? Hard to tell so early on.
Reset.
Here I go again.

Gluten Free

2009-08-06T09:03:00.000-07:00

Perhaps you've heard me bitching & whining lately about headaches? The ones that paralyze me and ruin my weekends? Yeah, they suck. In fact, I have one right now. Of course, this one could probably be linked to the bottle of wine I had for dinner last night... but I'm not talking about headaches that have a clear cause. I'm talking about the ones that come on unprovoked and vicious, like a badger being poked with a spoon. Well, that might be provoked viciousness, but I digress...
So, I decided that while Philip was gone, I would do a little experiment. There are several food-related possibilities for these headaches. Nitrates (like in wine), food allergies, food intolerances... Well, I decided to cut out gluten & sugar. Why? Well, it's because I'm a masochist, and relish in deprivation experiments. The end.
No, seriously. My mother has issues with wheat, which is recognized as the 'biggest offender' in the gluten intolerance arena. I definitely notice mucus membrane issues when I consume certain gluten containing foods & beers. This isn't to say that I can't eat gluten at all. The spectrum of gluten intolerance is vast, ranging from Celiac's disease to an intolerance of processed wheat alone. Really, the only way to know is to eliminate possible offenders & then eat them to see what your body does. Essentially, I get to be my own petri dish! Considering that I want to pursue a career in nutrition, this seems completely appropriate.
Why am I eliminating sugar? Well, because refined sugar is bad, and my ass is big. For the record, I'm not eliminating fruit, just processed sugars.
Why do this while Philip is out of town and I'll already be at an emotional disadvantage? Because torturing two people with an elimination diet is just too much work.

So, last night I decided to try a gluten free pizza that I found at Newflower. It's also dairy free (though not vegan). It was not terrible. The crust was rice... have you ever eaten mochi? They're like rice crackers with a gooey center. So... delicious... If this had been mochi, it would have been fine, but it had red sauce & soy cheese all over it, so it was just.. uhm... weird. Not to be daunted, I covered the pizza in chipotle Tabasco, and effectively saved the day.
So. The verdict is: Rice crust 'za is not delicious, but chipotle Tabasco can fix anything. Even plumbing leaks.

Chipotle Tabasco, I love you...

I am grumpy and I will eat your face

2009-08-05T12:35:00.000-07:00

if you cross me, that is.
I don't understand why periods have to make me so damn grumpy. Okay, scratch that. Feeling like a rat is eating it's way out of your uterus would make anyone grumpy.
Work is not helping. Normally, I like my job just fine. It isn't fulfilling in any way, but it pays my bills, is relatively low stress, and I work with some awesome people. I get great benefits, and I really don't have anything to complain about. Today, however, has just been one of those days... maybe because I've already got a case of the So-Grumpy-I-Would-Rather-Kick-You-Than-Talk-To-You-s or because one thing after another is going wrong. Whatever. I'm sure it's nothing pizza & beer can't cure.
I'm missing Oregon today. Deeply, viscerally, like pieces of my being are being drawn out and wound around something. Maybe that the PMS talking. I always miss Oregon a lot, but not like this... I texted Philip that we should move to Portland, and he concurs. Of course, moving across the country isn't something I can just pick up and do at the drop of a hat. I'm not in a great financial position, I just bought a house, and I don't have any job prospects up there. It is now On The List, however - something to be pondered more in-depth as time passes. I assume the Pacific Northwest isn't going anywhere, so I think I can revisit this at a later date, when I might be more prepared. I have to admit that a big part of missing Oregon is the prolific belly dance community on the West Coast. I deeply miss my sisters from Eugene, and I miss the heavy Tribal influence on the West Coast. Texas is catching up fast, but I still feel out of place and misunderstood.
Will we move to Portland? Not in the near future.... but it's in my head.... oh man, my mother's gonna kill me... ;)

Wings!

2009-08-03T08:58:00.000-07:00

Well, on Friday I got another chunk of tattoo work done - a wing and a half (Yes, I ran out of pain tolerance. YOU try getting the side of your boob tattoed!) Lookin' good, eh? It took me awhile to get used to the sight of my pretty phoenix with wings. At first, I was like "That's so beautiful!" The next day I sort of felt like my chest was being mauled by a massive feathered beast, overtaken by art & no longer my chest. That was a panicked feeling, as you can imagine - OH MY GAWD, WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MY FREAKING CHEST?! I'M A FREAK! A TATTOOED FREAK!! - Of course, then I remembered that 'Tattooed Freak' was the goal... so it's all good.
I'm certainly falling in love with this artwork - much more than any piece before. My belly dance troupe (Kan Zaman) recently had a photo shoot with Pixie. We got the proofs yesterday, and seeing that grey ink snaking across my midsection was titilating, nearly obscuring my first reaction to pictures of myself - which is to dress in a mumu & never come out. (No, you can't see them yet, she has to do the finishing of them - I'm going to see if she can retouch mine with a different face & body. Keep the tatts, the rest must go!)
In other news, Philip is going on tour! The big question on my mind is how the hell I'm supposed to get any sleep without him?! I can't even fall asleep if he's just working late! Prepare yourselves for a series of late-night blogging, filled with insomniac nonsense, conspiracy theories, and possibly sonnets to ice cream.

A Day at the Zoo

2009-07-24T11:54:00.000-07:00

For his birthday, I took Philip to the San Antonio Zoo!
Unfortunately, my camera broke the night before, so we had to make do with two disposables. :(
Still got some good pics, though!

Big Rhino...

Goofy ostrich

I think he likes me...

Brave or stupid turtle!

Yeah, we went to the petting zoo.

So what?

Hey little buddy!

Giant tortoise!

Hefelump

Suuuuuure it's for cleaning....

2009-07-23T10:19:00.000-07:00

My friend Casey just posted this brilliant blog about Vodka.
Now, I have used vodka to 'clean' my costumes ever since Bahaia told us about it's odor-fighting power, but it never occurred to me to use it to clean other things!
Someone gave Philip a bottle of grape vodka. Since we don't drink it, it's just sitting around the house. I wonder if I could use that... Would it make my toilet smell like grapes? That could be good...
This weekend, I'm taking the Vodka Challenge!

Quittin' Time

2009-07-21T08:07:00.001-07:00

Well, my stint with burlesque has been short-lived... and I think it's already time to move on. Don't get me wrong, I've been having a great time with the girls, and being campy & sexy on stage is really fun. The truth of the matter is that I'm starting to miss my life! I used to have plenty of time for gardening and puttering about my house... not to mention crafty endeavors. Plus, I've decided that it's time to start taking classes again. I applied to ACC - I want to take a horticulture class and an Arabic class. I think it's taking it's toll on Philip a bit, too. Not only is he seeing me less, but other people are seeing me nearly nude. He wants to be supportive, and he is, but I can tell that it's getting to him.
I haven't told them yet. We have a show on the 23rd, so I don't think I'll mention it until the rehearsal after that show. I thought about offering to still belly dance for them when they have shows. That way I wouldn't be putting out any more time & energy than I would normally put out (I'm not giving up belly dancing!). I don't know if they'll go for that, but it's an idea.
So! I've sent in my application & transcripts to ACC, and requested approval from my company to pay for the classes. Now I just need to get the rest of my ducks in a row, and I'll be back in school!!!
btw - I'm taking Arabic because I want to understand my belly dance music. Right now, I have to ask someone if a song is happy or sad, because I don't want to be up there grinning if it's sad or somber if it's happy!
Alright... back to work!

Happy Birthday to Philip

2009-07-13T06:58:00.000-07:00

Today is Philip's birthday!! I always get so excited when his birthday comes around. I love to find the perfect gift. Like last year, I surprised him with a wireless kit for his guitar... Nothing quite as spendy this year, but I still think he'll be pleased! He's playing a show tonight at The Parlor, and I'm taking off work tomorrow to take him to the San Antonio Zoo!
This has turned out to be the most amazing relationship I have ever been in. To say that it had a rocky start would be putting it mildly... and I honestly don't know why I didn't dump him... but now I'm glad I didn't. Every day, he showers me with love and affection, letting me know how cherished and respected I am. I have never been with anyone that took the time to tell me on a regular basis that he is proud of me, that he thinks I'm smart and sexy, that he feels incredibly lucky to be with me. I have never before been in a relationship that felt so good day after day.
It's so totally awesome!! If anyone reading this feels the same way about their partner, I am so happy for you!!

Yeeee haw!

2009-07-12T12:48:00.000-07:00

Well, my performance on Friday went very well! I was still nervous enough to barf, but I didn't have any major malfunctions, like falling off the stage or getting strangled by my veil. Quite a few of my friends showed up, and it was so wonderful to know they were out there! My tattoo artist even came! :)
I actually had a really good time, and I think this experience will help my nervousness diminish for future performances.
The best compliments that I got were when people told me that I looked happy and that they couldn't tell at all that I was nervous.
I did notice that I have a bad habit of looking down... gotta work on that...
On to the next show! (July 18th at Carousel!)

Tonight's the Night

2009-07-10T06:34:00.000-07:00

Belly dance solo, take two!
The last one was such a disaster, there's no way this one can be worse, right? (btw, pics from the Austin Belly Dance Convention are here)
I tried to do choreography for that one, which I apparently SUCK at. This time, I'm not attempting to do something that's so against my nature. I've just been dancing to the song every day, and we'll see what happens on stage tonight! Hopefully, I won't just stand there like a deer in headlights.
Oh, did I mention that I'm using a veil for the FIRST TIME EVAR.
Should be innarestin'

chocolate cake and cheese nips

2009-07-08T13:04:00.000-07:00

I seriously considered subsisting only on cheese nips today. It's one of those days when all I want for lunch is a piece of chocolate cake and a bottle of wine for lunch. I feel grumpy and achy and whiny, and cheese nips sounded like the nectar of the gods for a moment.How many bags would I have to buy out of the vending machine to fill me up? Hmmm... I decided it would be cheaper to go to HEB. So I schlepped myself down the road on my lunch break... got my chocolate cake... considered the wine... got goldfish instead of cheese nips... and forced myself to buy fruit. BUT ALL I WANT IS JUNK FOOD!! The up side is that this will only last for about 36 hours.
I wish I could celebrate my period, instead of it making me so damn grumpy. I have to admit that it's not nearly as bad as it used to be. I remember sitting on the bed next to my girlfriend, bawling my eyes out once a month, blubbering intelligibly about how EVERYTHING WAS HORRIBLE AND MY LIFE WAS AWFUL AND I SHOULD JUST CASH IT IN... while she sat helplessly next to me and offered me oreos and a bath. Now I just feel generally prickly - like every molecule has a sunburn or badly needs to stretch. AND ALL I WANT IS CHOCOLATE CAKE AND A BOTTLE OF WINE. But I hear that drinking an entire bottle of wine on my lunch break is frowned on around here. Sheesh. Corporate policies are so silly.

Phoenix, Session Two

2009-07-03T21:43:00.001-07:00

I had my second session with Wendi tonight. We did 2.5 hours - just slightly longer than the first sitting. After the excruciating pain of the first session, I decided to do an experiment. Years ago, the woman who waxed my legs told me that caffeine makes your nerve endings more sensitive, so I should avoid caffeine before waxing. Seems like it would work for tattooing too, right? So, three weeks ago I ended my relationship with caffeine. This was no small task. I love coffee. We get Ruta Maya coffee for free at work, so that just made it harder on me. I also realized that, while green tea and the like may help me wean myself off the coffee, they would ultimately have to go as well. After a week of near migranes, I did it. I arrived at my appointment today two weeks caffeine free! I'll be damned if it didn't work! Don't get me wrong, tattoos HURT. There's no way around that. The pain was much different than last time, though. Last time, I thought I was going to die, and just wanted to stop the session. This time, I was able to breathe through it and keep my composure during the session.
The most interesting thing was discovering what areas hurt more than others. Like I thought the sternum was going to be the absolute worst, but I really think that the belly was more painful. The chest was bearable - again, a part that I thought would be unbelievably painful. It wasn't breathing-exercise painful until she got up to the collar bone.
So, now I have the outline of a wingless phoenix with half it's tail. Next session is August 6th! I think there will probably be two more sessions for the outline, then we'll start on the coloring.
So exciting!

Someone's a Busy Bee!

2009-07-02T06:58:00.000-07:00

Yes, that would be me.

I now have three burlesque shows under my belt, and I'm gearing up for number 4 and 5 this month!

On June 5th, about half of our troupe performed at Red 7 for the Sinsations benefit. I swear, I really think we stole the show! The audience was great - they actually appreciated the belly dance, and cheered like champs for my Chessy Cat number. The La Zona Rosa crowd was so quiet, so it was nice to get some feedback from the audience while on stage!

We had a pretty big show on June 19th, with Snatch Racket, A Corpse Vanishes and Schill. It was great! I sword danced for the first time in forever. We had several malfunctions, but the audience never knew it, and our show was well received.

So what about July?
Holy crap, July is going to be busy! On the 10th, I'm belly dancing at an Austin Belly Dance Convention event at Patsy's Cowgirl Cafe (never been there, don't ask). July 17th, Black Widow has a show with Hotrod Hillbillies at Trophy's. July 18th, I'm belly dancing at Carousel with Kan Zaman. July 23rd is our carnival sideshow themed burlesque show at Elysium. (I'm sword dancing, performing as the lobster girl, doing a tangoesque duet with Lucy, and being an animated doll)

Did I mention that July is going to be busy?

Alright, gotta go pick music for next weekend!

Shakin' my....

2009-06-05T08:10:00.000-07:00

My first show with Black Widow Burlesque was this past Tuesday! Despite the fact that I've been up on stage several hundred times, shaking different bits of me, this was the first time I've ever been involved in the whole process of setting up the show. Usually, I just show up, and someone my music, or dance to what they've selected, depending on the gig... and away I go! That's one of the great things about this troupe, I get to be involved in the whole dirty process of creating a show, and I get to do it with girls who have experience, so we're not all floundering around the murky depths of Austin's performance scene.
We started off with some unexpected and crappy news - because the show was booked through someone who knows a door guy at La Zona Rosa, and not through the club itself, we didn't have access to their sound system... not 100% why, but whatever. No CD player, no way to hook up an iPod, nothing. We were starting to wonder if someone was going to have to stand off-sides and hum the whole set list... Fortunately, Ginger knows a thing or two about a cord or two, and was able to just load the set list onto her phone, and jack us into the PA. The Duke City Gypsy got the brunt of our sound snafus, but most of the rest of our set went just fine.
I was a hyperventilating, nervous wreck before the show. We had a tiny makeshift 'green room', made out of screens and table cloths. It was comforting to know that the seasoned veterans that I was about to perform with were also nervous... and yet that made me still more nervous. I wasn't sure how the audience would take a belly dance in the midst of all those titties...and I'm still not 100% sure how they took it... I couldn't see or hear a thing! The people that approached me after the show had great things to say about it, though. One of them asked if I was a "real" belly dancer...
Despite the fact that the entrance to the stage was a dangerous tangle of cords and equipment, nobody fell flat on their faces, nobody forgot their pasties, or blanked out on their routine. Everything went pretty damn smoothly, considering! Philip was our Panty Wrangler, and the girls were super excited with how helpful and generally awesome he was.
So I've crossed that hurdle - the First Show. Supposedly, everything else will be a breeze, right? I fully expect to be frantically nervous before my next show (tonight, actually), and I know I've got a lot of room for improvement. Philip had some great insights and comments to ponder.
Now for the next big thing! Tonight, Black Widow will represent at the Sinsations benefit at Red 7. I will be belly dancing and burlesquing... although Morgan hasn't gotten back to me about music, so I have no idea which song I'm belly dancing to...
Tomorrow is the Austin Belly Dance Convention! I'll be dancing between 2 and 3 to a room that is potentially full of belly dancers. Talk about NERVE WRACKING. This is the first time I've danced solo on a stage to my own choreography. I'm trying to keep it simple, so it might be a little repetitive... but that's okay! Another hurdle to cross - my first choreography!
Our show on June 19th, is the one I'm really looking forward to. We're booked with Snatch Racket (Philip's band) and A Corpse Vanishes (friends of mine, and one of my favorite bands!). I just might dance with a sword on my head! We'll see...

Goodbye Netflix

2009-05-29T18:36:00.000-07:00

Philip and I cancelled our Netflix account and got a gym membership instead.... Wish us luck!!

Stuff and Things

2009-05-28T10:45:00.000-07:00

Holy crap. So many things... so much stuff... I spent a week and a half working my ass off on vacation, and now I'm back to work even more!
I seem to have joined Black Widow Burlesque at the perfect time! We've got shows coming out of our ears! June 2nd at La Zona Rosa! June 5th at Red Eyed Fly! June 19th at Creekside with Snatch Racket and A Corpse Vanishes! Holy smokes! If ever I wanted an opportunity to sass my ass all over a stage, this was it!
Not to mention, I'm dancing my very first cabaret solo at the Austin Belly Dance Convention on June 6th!
On top of all this, I have a large number of geminis in my life... so there are a whole host of birthdays coming up! AND my much loved and much missed friend Amy is coming to visit the first weekend in June for a baby shower (that I'm throwing)... which is seriously the busiest weekend of my life, with two performances, a half day workshop, a baby shower, and two belly dance shows that I was intending to attend...
Of course... as you can imagine... I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER! This is so much fun, I get to belly dance every day, and glue sequins and fringe onto things! I finally have an excuse to set aside a 'costume budget' and I'm polishing off my rusty sewing skills!

Now I just have to find time to squeeze in the friends that I miss so much!

Snatch Racket

2009-05-25T22:52:00.000-07:00

Dude, my boyfriend is awesome.

Today's Harvest

2009-05-23T16:07:00.000-07:00

All this came out of my little garden this afternoon!