Head Exploding With Excitement! Plus, some confessions.

Confession first: I'm shy.
.
.
.
Okay, now that you've stopped laughing at me (which is the usual reaction)... It's true. Most people don't believe me, because I've cultivated the ability to disguise my shyness, to muddle through the panic, but it can be crippling at times. There are so many events I've skipped out on; opportunities I've passed up; friends I haven't made because sometimes it's easier on my to just not panic through the shyness to get to the other side. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten all the way to an event, then just turned around & went home because I couldn't get out of my car, even if it was a show or something. I've canceled gigs because I was too terrified to perform, I've let friendships lapse because the thought of making a phone call makes my heart race and my head spin.
Being in a belly dance and a burlesque troupe have done wonders for this affliction. Having other people depend on me to be there & carry my part of the performance forces me to quietly panic & get my butt out there anyway. There are times when I wish the sound system would suddenly grow legs & run out of the building, thus canceling the show... but that hasn't happened yet...

And now...
I'm going to be dancing my first restaurant gig. This is an essential part of belly dancing. Not only does it help hone skills like improvisational dance, zill playing and audience interaction, it can be the mainstay of a dancer's income.
I'm terrified.
Absolutely terrified.
I have never done this kind of dancing before. I am usually more comfortable on a stage, which provides a cushion between me & the audience. Zills are not my strong point. I have no idea how to ride the fine line of audience interaction and Total Cheese.
I'm also incredibly, mind blowingly excited!
Kind of like this:



I'm excited about the opportunity to work on the skills mentioned above, to make connections in our belly dance community, to dance this dance that I love and to make a little money doing all of the above!
I am overwhelmingly grateful to Bahaia for her guidance and encouragement. Without her, I might have never made this leap. (maybe it's just a step... for me, it feels like a giant leap into the abyss)

Now, I need to gather my favorite songs & practice my zills!

Oh, and if you see me out & about somewhere and I seem like I'm ignoring you, it's probably because I'm just too terrified to talk to you, even if I've known you for awhile. (I find myself doing this to Michelle Manx all the time. I don't know why, but it takes an act of Congress for me to go up & say hello to her in particular.) Please don't think I'm rude. I would be eternally grateful if you'd just come up & crack my shell.